man child?

[jogonlll]

Married to DH for 5 years, together for 9. 1 DS (2y)

Tricky childcare situation with me changing jobs, DH currently has Fridays off, asked him to switch to a Thursday off so we will have childcare covered/save money. His response -

"oh but I won't be able to go anywhere with him, or do much."

DH doesn't drive (because he is scared of learning) so just doesn't make an effort to ever do anything independently, especially with DS.

In fact he's hugely dependant on me and his elderly parents. I do majority of 'house stuff' sort bills, childcare, all finances, car stuff, cleaning and majority of laundry, I also do all the dog walks (apart from 1) and cook all the meals (apart from odd one) obviously I also do all the driving, taking DS to nursery and picking up.

If he ever has a day just him and DS he will call on his parents to take him somewhere - like the zoo, farm etc.

Dh's only responsibility is to go to work and earn the lions share.

I'm feeling annoyed and I just want to shake him and tell him to grow up! thoughts?

He needs to do his share.

You have two children, not one
He's useless

Why do some women set the bar so low.

Come on op, he's an adult ffs. Tell him to stop behaving like a child and start behaving like a parent and an adult. 50/50 on everything ffs

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

You seem to have carried on in the same vein as his parents here. Why is your relationship bar this bloody low here, I have to look at you here in all this as well

Do not have another child with this man.

It’s not that he can’t do those things. He just chooses not to do them, taking the easy life option every time. Time to have a very honest and frank talk with him about his upcoming transition into proper adulthood.

Neither of us drive, but we take public transport to lots of fun/educational places/on holidays.
He's quite capable of doing this too. Are there parks/playgrounds/museums/sift play/theatres/child friendly cafes in your area? Look online. That's a good start.

There's always a taxi if he needs a fallback method in an emergency or for the last short part of a longer journey.

Maybe ditch the car for a couple of weekends and go places together on public transport to give him some idea of what's doable?

Ask him what sort of relationship he sees himself having with his dc when they are older...
My exh did naff all with dc. I asked him this.
He said he would take them for their first pint.
Not one of our 3 dc has had any contact with him since way way before 18...
Micro manged relationships don't amount to anything ime...

Oh is he one of those wimps who can't use public transport either? How pathetic...

I just read the middle part of your post properly.
You need to talk about the division of tasks. He ought to step up here. You are only going to get more resentful of this situation.
He needs to know how to run the household and keep on top of childcare. I had an injury last year and was out of action for 6 weeks. My husband had to do everything (especially while I was on morphine). He was glad I'd gently nudged him over the years into being able to do it all.
Perhaps your husband needs to have a bit of a think about that. His parents are elderly - they won't always be able/around to help.
Family life requires regular adjustment and change. Time for him to understand this, there's another 20 years to go!

Write a list of what needs to be done on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis

Initial the ones you WANT to do. Get him to do the rest.

That's how we divvy up everything in our family.

Stuff no one wants to do? Then everyone has to add one extra and so on.

If you can afford it pay for help.

Never EVER do it all. It just ruins the dynamic, creates resentment and turns one person into a doormat. The doormat is never ever appreciated by anyone so just don't create one.

sounds like he's used to clicking his fingers and getting what he wants OP, time to put your foot down and tell him to step up to the mark, problem is I think he's had it good for too long, so the conversation may not go well.

I think women are largely to blame for man-child’ behaviour. They enable it, big time. Got to set your standards higher and be assertive! Don’t have anymore children with him. One was too many!

I was also scared of learning to drive but my dp put his foot down, threatened to find a girlfriend who could drive. He was worth it so I learnt to drive, it took over 3 years but it was the kick I needed.

I know I am partly to blame - bit of a control freak, fiercely independent so I just run wild and do everything my way.

Its hard to convey two sides on MN and although all the above is true he is an excellent dad and my best friend. I don't want to push him out completely, I just need him to step up but I'm not sure how to tell him.

He's pathetic. I don't drive and it doesn't stop me from doing parenting.

Print out a bus timetable or download the local bus company app onto his phone.

Or suggest if he's going to be at home all day, there's a whole day to do housework, washing, ironing and ensuring children's television each week.

@jogonlll, how can you say in the same sentence, "he is my best friend" and "I just need him to step up but I'm not sure how to tell him".

Surely, it shouldn't be difficult to talk to your best friend?

If he is a decent person, he wouldn't want you to be stressed and unhappy, would he?

He shouldn't want his children to be bored and unstimulated, should he?

I don't drive either, and live rurally so not much within walking distance and the bus service is sporadic. But I'd never use that as an excuse not to look after my own child? He's really not pulling his weight!

He sure as fuck isn't a good son to use his elderly parents as a personal uber service

@jogonlll

Why are you "not sure" how to tell him?

What's difficult about speaking to your husband about basic things like this?

Tell him what's needed and have an adult discussion about the division of responsibilities, surely that's not difficult?

If he acts like a dick and make excuses , do not accept that. Challenge him. He is perfectly capable of jumping on a bus and taking DC to the park ffs. Dont let him behave like this and stop "running wild" and doing everything, you'll wear yourself out.

Talk to him.

Why can't he just take your DS for a walk? Entertaining a two year old doesn't always have to be parks and museums and soft play, sometimes a walk down the lane picking up sticks and jumping in puddles is just as good.

What's his excuse for not being able to do that?