I'm dating a Doctor and I'm rather intimidated

[duckingterrified]

Ladies, I've been dating this guy for a couple of months and so far its going pretty well, but I'm in two minds about whether to take it to the next level. He mentioned wanting to become exclusive and I just need to go over the doubts I have in my head before I commit to anything.

Basically, he's not the kind of person I usually go for, and that's because I used to date people more similar to myself (laid back, modest, more down-to-earth). But I guess the problem with dating someone too similar is that we never challenge each other. My last ex was actually female and she was a horse groomer and I was heartbroken when it ended but the point was, we ended up getting frustrated with each other because we were each expecting the other one to take initiative all the time.

So now, I'm dating someone who is always happy to take initiative is super together and responsible. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way but I'm somewhat intimated by the fact he's a highly intelligent soon-to-be Doctor. He comes from a middle class family and he's very well-spoken, whereas I come from a council estate. My family are all manual labour workers and I'm just an admin assistant. I'll probably never earn a lot of money and I was always okay about that. But this guys clearly on his way to success and that intimidates me.

But we do have some key things in common. We're both left-wing and passionate about equal rights. We both seem to enjoy similar levels of socialising/drinking. We both have aspirations to travel and go on adventures and we both are fond of live music and local events. The dynamic is so different from anything I've experienced before. We actually do stuff together every week and go on dinner dates etc. Believe it or not, I've never been with someone who I went on regular dates with.

So maybe this is where my life should be heading, and I'm just nervous because it's all new to me. Or maybe we are just too different? How do I decide?

I think you're overthinking it. If you enjoy each other's company just enjoy it and go with the flow.

Please don’t put yourself down. You write and express yourself incredibly well. Just go with it and see what happens.

Don’t put yourself down girl! My partners brother is a doctor and his sister a dentist and they are such down to earth people where their jobs don’t make them ‘superior’ in any way. He obviously likes you for you so enjoy it

How old are you?

I expect that 'coming from a council estate. My family are all manual labour workers' could likely mean that your area & your school let you down in terms of expectation and opportunity. No reason at all that you do not have similar intelligence and could have been capable of being a doctor yourself but for the lack of opportunity. Which is why you get on well with and can converse with the doctor in training.

If you're enjoying yourself, carry on!

You are an admin assistant not 'just' an admin assistant

Honestly don’t worry about it! The problem is not whether you’re good enough for him, it’s whether you’ll be willing to put up with his rota!

Wow definitely over thinking. He's still a person even if he is going to have two letters in front of his name. It actually comes across as like reverse snobbery going on about how middle class he is etc

I think you're self-sabotaging tbh. Did you get a lot of "not for the likes of us" messaging when you were younger?

Go for it, woman! I grew up in a council house, got free school dinners etc, family on benefits etc, and I would totally consider myself worthy of a doctor. Don't put yourself down! You sound very articulate and intelligent, and he's obviously into you, so why would you not????!! It sounds like you're already having a lovely time with him, so just do it! x

Wow! It sounds great. Re-read your second to last paragraph again - But we do have....

That's what's he's interested in. You. You and him having fun! Having aspirations together! Your families probably have more in common than you realise. You could name your concerns to him over job and class and just naming it and talking it through will help I bet.

Own you admin post, if there's love and support in your family then be proud and basically just own your own unique otherness.

Definitely over-thinking it - it actually sounds like you're more similar than different. People get into the jobs they do for so many reasons - your job isn't who you are. Doctors are just people! Your interests, thoughts, ambitions, plans are who you are - and it sounds like you have lots of those in common.

So he's a med student?

You are over thinking it, you get on well, gave fun together and he clearly likes you. Yes medicine is a good career but it doesn't mean has better than you, or you arent worthy. He's just a doctor!

Also I can garuntee he probably looks like he's got it together more than he actually has.

Doctors are clever and admirable- but that doesn't make them 'better' than anyone!!! He sounds great. You sound great. Your relationship sounds great. Go with it and have fun.

My gosh, I think you are investing way too much time in thinking about this. Doctors are humans who studied for a long while. Some are clever and admirable, some are average and twits. Just like all humans.
If you both enjoy one another and fancy each other then just get on with it.

My current squeeze is from a working class background, manual workers, went to a crap comprehensive.

He's a doctor.
Not all doctors are snobs and not everyone from a working class background is incapable of joining a profession.

Perhaps you putting yourself down has become a self fulfilling prophecy

You've put him on a pedestal. There are for more important qualities in a person than their job. I'm degree educated, my partner does a physical job. I don't care because he is kind, thoughtful and makes me laugh my head off. That is what's important to me.

Perhaps it's worth jotting down on a piece of paper all the things you like about yourself and compliments you've received.

I'm sure you've plenty to offer because clearly this man thinks so.

He's just a human being the same as you are with feelings, emotions, wishes, dreams etc. Just because he happens to have a medical degree doesn't mean he is better or more superior than you. You have no need to feel intimidated. I have a degree and my fiance doesn't. He earns a good wage, he is a professional at what he does but his job does not require a degree. He is a very intelligent person, capable of holding his own in conversation etc. I'm very proud to be with him as he is an awesome man. I'll bet you are absolutely awesome yourself and the doctor you are seeing obviously thinks so too.

You've not said but do you fancy him?

You think he is out of your league because of your back ground but he isn’t.

However my kids go to a very middle class private school and I’ve never seen such covert snobbery towards ‘working class people’. It would be his families bias I’d be more bothered about. And that would be by deciding factor - not him

People who are different learn from each other.

If it’s The Doctor then yes you’d be right to be intimidated!

The problem is you. I've met loads of doctors, I am one! We are just people you know.

It could be worse, you could a woman doctor trying to date. I found admitting I was a female doctor acted as some kind of man repeller as if I was attacking their masculinity by daring to be bright and possibly earning more than them.

He's a med student. He's nice. He likes you. He treats you with respect and you have lots of similar interests.

Aren't these all far more important than the fact he might be middle class?

I don’t think you should call time on the relationship because of this, but I can try and make you feel better by saying I hold the same opinions as you, I’ve always felt intimidated in the same regard and was once with someone who had a high flying job and earned mega money and I just felt so completely and utterly inferior all of the time, I didn’t continue with the relationship but there are other factors involved.

Both I and my husband are from solid working class backgrounds. I was a clerk typist, he was a fitter in a factory. He went on to self educate at night school which opened the doors for greater things. He ended up at the top of his profession going through the ranks from lowly apprentice to president of a global company. We latterly travelled the world together having been given a wonderful opportunity towards the end of his career. I have rubbed shoulders with millionaires and captains of industry on the back of his career and can honestly say I did not change my behaviour towards those who have been highly successful and those who wear the overalls and man the tools. We are all human together and in my experience have never been intimidated by rank or wealth. ( I have been patronised by the odd wife though) - apparently I am ‘the salt of the earth 🥴🤣 (northern Yorkshire no- nonsense woman who stayed at home to keep the home fires burning). Enjoy your adventures and new love.