Guy at work in relationship - just being friendly?

[Sophie2917]

Hello,

I started working for this company 3 months ago. I work in a large open plan office within which there are multiple different teams. Last week I had a training day and sat with a woman from my team who was sat with two people from another team that she is friends with.

I spent the day in this group of 4 and went to lunch in this group of 4. One person was a guy about my age (early 30s) that I got on well with and had a laugh with.

A few days later I saw him again in the kitchen and had a chat and he said he was just about to go for a walk around the town (job is sedentary) and did I want to join so I agreed.

Then yesterday the guy messaged me on the work intranet private messaging system and asked if I wanted to go for a walk again at lunch.

This guy is in a long-term relationship. We get on well, lots of banter and similar interests in terms of music, exercise etc. I could see myself being good friends with him but do people think this is inappropriate?

I’m single btw

If someone started working closely with me, say in the same office where people naturally make & discuss lunch plans then I might invite them to lunch if they were easy company,

Would I message a single woman I wouldn't normally see about lunch, personally no I don't think I would

As long as it platonic I see no problem in theory, can I see my husband hunting out a young woman he’s just met? no I can’t really.

I go for lunchtime walks / shopping / after work beers with the blokes in my office. Not shagging them and have no interest in doing so.

I’ve had many friendships with men in work over the years. We’ve gone for lunch breaks together. If it’s not flirty on either side then it’s just friendship. Men and women can be friends.

I completely get that. I guess the reason I'm posting is because I don't sit near him, would never have known him really if not for that training day. Our paths don't cross hence him messaging me on the intranet messaging system. However, during the training day we got on well and had a laugh, and same again when we bumped into each other in the kitchen etc, so maybe him reaching out isn't unusual.

How do you think his girlfriend would see it? If he's overstepping the mark then tell him. If it's purely platonic then no harm done. But people don't often private message things in the same office if it's ok for everyone to hear

I wouldn't think much of it.

Inappropriate if you fancy him, maybe not if you don't.

If this was my boyfriend seeking out a single woman at work, I wouldn't like it or see it as innocent. By asking you for a walk and seeking you out to message you, I'd say he's in to you I'm afraid. I'd say the same if it was a woman doing this to a man too.

I would be surprised if he wasn't into you, cynical as that may be.

i dunno...I go out for walks with, and private message guys at work...and girls..some are single some aren’t...I’m married...it’s quite common in my team as we are all pretty friendly and like getting our steps up at lunch time or popping to the shop. Nothing untoward.

IMO it would only be inappropriate if you want to me more than friends or if he lets you know that he wants more than friendship.

I have to disagree with some of the posters above. I work in a very male dominated environment and have had many lunches out, trips to get coffee etc with male colleagues. I’ve never once seen it as inappropriate and I would be really insulted if anyone suggested it was.

What is the dynamic in the office like? Could he be just happy someone his own age with similar interests has joined the team and is trying to strike up a friendship?

Yes, I think it depends on his attitude towards you. Does he inappropriately share info on his private life / ask you about yours? Does he walk with other people? Would he be ok if other people joined the two of you? Do you get a feeling about it?

No one in here can know if he fancies you or not.
Are you attracted to him?
I've had lots of male work friends over the years. Probably about half of them tried it on at some point. However as I'm capable of saying no, it wasn't really an issue.

I work in a female dominated environment and I gravitate towards any fellas that work there as it makes a nice change! I've been for coffee with male colleagues and I confide a lot in them, but I don't fancy them.

I guess the question is do you want him to fancy you?

Does he talk about his girlfriend? Did he tell you he’s in a relationship?