Friend being harassed by ex

[SalmonSushi]

I’ll keep it short as I don’t want this to be outing but my friend split with her husband last year. He has since then attacked her physically on more than one occasion, the police have done nothing although it’s been reported. He’s also “took an overdose” although he told everyone what he had done, it was all for attention and to try guilt her into getting back with him.
He swings between abusing her by text/email and begging for her back, this is all day every single day. She has to maintain contact for the kids they share but she is absolutely mentally drained due to his harassment. He is completely obsessed with getting her back but she doesn’t want to be with him, the things he says aren’t normal it’s almost like he’s lost it a little bit.

What action could she take to stop this? I think she has lost hope for the police helping as they haven’t done anything at all so far.

All she wants is for him to stop harassing her.

Has she contacted Women's Aid? They might have advice for her on maintaining her safety

It's very odd that the police have done nothing. Her XH is committing a crime by behaving like this.

Anyway, she can apply for a non-molestation order – she should call the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk/) – they can talk her through the process and may be able to refer her to a law firm which will help prepare the papers including the evidence to show why a non-mol is necessary, free of charge. My firm does that and I have assisted on about 15 applications but the referrals need to come through the NCDV.

Alternatively, she could go directly to her local court which deals with domestic violence applications, and complete the papers there herself.

The initial application is made without notice i.e. her XH won't know anything about the application unless the court makes the non-mol order (and it sounds like in this case the court would do so). A judge will usually hear the application on the same day as it is filed or very shortly afterwards.

The non-mol order, application and evidence would then need to be served on the XH (the NCDV can help with this process; often the court serves the papers itself – the applicant must NOT serve them because of the risk of violence by the XH).

There will be a further hearing which the XH will be able to attend and argue against the order remaining in place. Your friend will probably find the prospect of facing her XH in court very scary. However, the court is familiar with this situation, sadly, and will be able to put protections in place to avoid your friend meeting him outside the court room (e.g. separate waiting rooms/staggered arrival times) and may well be able to supply a screen for the hearing room also. She can also take along a relative/friend for moral support. She does not need a lawyer – this process is designed to be done in person but it can helpful to have a lawyer assist in preparing the papers.

A number of my clients have gone through this process: the XH/XP has tried to get the non-mol cancelled but has failed to do so.

You can have a non-mol even if you are having to have contact in relation to children – that is the situation for a number of our clients.

Hope this helps.

Good luck to your friend.

Thank you so much for your advice.
She has been in touch with a domestic violence organisation who she said weren’t any help either, she says it’s as though nobody can do anything unless he kills her!
With the police she didn’t want to press charges but the police said they would go and speak to him however they never did. I feel like this has just given him free reign to behave how he wants because he doesn’t think there will be any consequences.

There's a lot she can do.

She needs to write down a log of all events: date/time started-finished/what happened/how it made her feel/witnesses-evidence (eg emails)

Text messages/emails/whatsapp etc can be used as evidence.

Contact the National Stalking Helpline for advice and support. She needs strategies on keeping herself safe: 0808 802 0300

Contact the NCDV (details above) for a Non Molestation Order

She needs to organise third party handovers or drop offs/collections for example, collect from school/nursery. Meet up in neutral place, not her home and in a public area.

She needs legal advice. Family Law Panel have family law solicitors, some of which have a free initial hour and a lowered rate for those earning under a certain amount.

She can also contact the Rights of Women Family law helpline.

I don’t know who she’s talking to or what she’s saying when she speaks to them but if she’s being harassed she has a very good chance of getting a non-mol.

There doesn’t have to be physical violence - I have helped clients who have obtained them for emotional abuse/coercive control etc.

She should keep messages as evidence and she can also describe behaviour in a witness statement which is also evidence. Tell her to speak to the NCDV to get the ball rolling.

How does a non molestation order work when they have to have contact for the kids? Also he has moved into a house on the same street as her against her wishes.

You can have a non molestation order if you are living in the same house OP. The NCDV will explain that to her.

Thank you so much!

Yes, seconding @12345kbm: a non-mol can accommodate contact in relation to children (a number of our clients have had them against partners with whom they are co-parenting). The non-mol can provide that there may be contact re DC but, for example, only by email or text and language must be respectful.

Also as @12345kbm said: if possible, arrange to hand over at a neutral place where it is easy to park or perhaps via grandparents if they are local.