Meeting his children?

[ginbunny4]

Hi all,

I've been with my partner around 7 months and he would now like me to meet his two girls, aged 4 & 9. I'd like to ask under what circumstances is this best. Should it be an event that involves just the 4 of us? Or the other option is a family party that is coming up soon? Not sure which would be less overwhelming for the children. Or none of the above? He is 35 and myself 30. I have none of my own but absolutely love children and I'm actually very excited about meeting them.

Also any hints or tips on meeting them would be appreciated, from either other step parents or mums themselves. I'd really like this to go smoothly but is the first time I would be meeting any significant other's children.

Thanks a lot in advance!

Is there somewhere they like to go regularly and feel relaxed, like a park, or zoo, for example?

I haven't done this personally, but I've watched other people go through this from both sides. You sound lovely and it's great that you're planning ahead and want it to go well.

I'd say it's better to do something short and fun as just the 4 of you. And to be prepared that even though you love children, they might not take to you straight away. Just be yourself with them, listen to them if they express concerns or negative feelings (don't be dismissive), and take your partner's lead.

Good luck.

I wouldn't meet them at a family do. A short activity together, farm or museum. Somewhere that there is other things to do rather it be all about meeting each other. Meet for a couple of hours for the first visit. Just be you.

I think gradual without making a big deal of it is best.

To start with, I would invite you to his place to "watch TV' once they go to bed. You arrive slightly earlier so they can see you.

Next time, go round and have dinner with them. Don't hang around for excessive time - such as all weekend as they will feel you are taking over.

After that maybe a fun day out.

Slow and steady wins the day.

Thanks all for your replies.

That's what I was thinking maybe a short day time fun activity and then I leave and let them be together with just their dad so they can talk about how the day was or if anything was worrying them. He suggested the family party thinking it wouldn't be so much 'pressure' on them if there were plenty others around and they could go off to play (it's a child's party with bouncy castle etc) at any point.

Obviously I have said it's completely down to him how he wants to play it and have always made that clear I am happy to go with his timescales and plans when it comes to meeting his children. I guess I am maybe overthinking it but I never thought I'd be nervous to meet 2 small children, I care so much for my partner and I know they are his world so really want it to go smoothly and to have some happy times with us all.

Just be careful about plunging in too fast, too soon. You’re obviously a nice person so make sure you don’t get taken advantage of and stay in a relationship because you like the kids more than the man. This happened to a friend of mine. He started leaving the kids with her on his weekends while he went out golfing and drinking etc. She stayed longer than she should because she adored those kids and he took her for a right mug. Free childcare. Just keep your wits about you

I think you have been sensible to wait a while before introducing children. Me and my OH waited 7 months before introducing each others children and did so at a friends bbq so the kids just kind of thought we were friends I guess. Then a week later I met his daughter again who was 5 at the time, we took her out to the park on her scooter just a normal low key type of thing. He then came round to mine one day after school for tea to see my children again who were 7 and 8 then.
It was another 3 months before we started staying over at each others whilst kids were there. I def think slow and steady wins the race, we took it slowly and kids have all been accepting and have a good bond with my partner.

My ex however introduced his GF after 2 weeks and has since never spent time without his GF there when he is with our children. They really resent that and dont want to visit him much anymore.

You sound great. My now Dh met my Ds at the park, for an hour or two. He was three at the time. Very relaxed and casual. Over time they built up an amazing relationship, Ds is now 21 and goes to my Dh about things more than he does me! Best of luck to you.