Does this sound like he is having an affair?

[Siver]

My husband is good friends with a woman he works with. They work in a hotel/restaurant. These are odd things that have happened. Does it sound like he is having an affair?

1. She cuts/dyes his hair (he says he hasn’t got time to do it at home and he has never asked me).
2. He has moved away from our doctors surgery and has joined the same one as her (he says because it is closer to where he works).
3. He takes spare clothes to work so sometimes gets changed there ( he says as sometimes he gets dirty) and brings the other ones home.

Our relationship has been going downhill for years and he just walks out if I try to talk to him or denies that there is a problem. He denies any affair and I have offered to split up but he doesn’t want to. We have kids.

How often does he go to the doctored for that to be an issue?

Where does he get the hair cut?
Have you offered?

They sound tenuous but you are suspicious and that speaks volumes in my experience

Does it matter? If you are unhappy change your life.

The days he takes spares is he contactable?
Have you - ahem - checked his clothes on return? Make up /perfume /other odours...
Bank statements?

i have offered to split up

He goes to the doctors a few times a year. He says his hair is done downstairs where there is a communal kitchen/living room area. I feel so unhappy.

The doctors surgery one sounds perfectly reasonable, unless of course you think they're wasting precious NHS resources and rendezvousing there under the guise of unnecessary appointments.

As does the changing dirty clothes.

The hair... odd, but maybe she's just good.

You're last post says it all. "You're so unhappy" tell him this and tell him why.

Sorry but why on earth would changing GP surgery mean an affair?!

The clothes, maybe if it's a new thing. Not totally unreasonable though.

The hair, why would you cut his hair? Are you a hairdresser?

It all sounds strange but nothing points to an affair
Just sounds as if you're unhappy and looking for an excuse to split up to me

None of those things scream affair but you're unhappy and have offered to split up so what's the point?

Affairs with work colleagues are almost impossible to prove if they are careful and he just denies everything.
Does it matter?
Are you happy? It doesn't sound like you are. That's enough of a reason. He isn't trying to reassure you, is he? Unless you are prone to jealousy I would say go with your instincts. I spent years trying to prove dhs affair. It destroyed me mentally. Don't become that person! (The twat admitted it after we split up)

Ok, taking it at face value

1. Is she a hairdresser? Or good at hair trimming etc?

2. Does he need to go to the doctors from work? In his lunch hour? Before or after shifts? Do you have contact with his previous doctor? Has he suddenly started having more appointments that you would notice?

3. What sort of job does he do? Is he likely to need a change of clothes? If he’s a cashier at Tesco’s, unlikely. If he works on an oil rig, very probable.

It’s taken me so long to type sorry this has probably been posted before!

Each of those things would not necessarily be suspicious but all together I think is.

Plus you don't need his permission to split up for whatever reason you choose.

If you're no longer happy with him that is reason enough.

I think if he was innocent and cared about your happiness, he wouldn't 'just walk out' or deny that there is a problem whenever you try to talk to him.

I guess I'm more suspicious than most posters on here, but I think it all sounds very dubious.

Sounds a bit dodgy and I think you know that, hence your post.

If your marriage was solid and you knew this woman too, no problems with secrecy i would say probably nothing. But it's not like that .... so I suspect your instinct is trying to tell you something

Smells fishy

If you’re miserable anyway, and definitely want to separate, it almost doesn’t matter whether he’s romantically involved with her.

Forget her, and work on splitting up amicably and fairly.

Sounds like the start of something emotional. He might just like how she does his hair but the fact he’s leaning more towards her company and away from you it doesn’t sound good op.

If you ask him to leave l, there’s a sure fire chance he is going to stay with this woman but if you let him stay you’ll just be prolonging your misery.

So sorry your going through this, I bet it’s really hard xx

Worrying about then having the same GP is a massive red flag about you OP.

What on earth do you think happens?

If faced with repeated and irrational accusations I'd tend to walk away as well. I'm not saying this is what happens but it's more likely than he's moved GP to further an affair.

That said if you're unhappy, leave.