Hi everyone.
I have been with partner a year. Even in this short time it hasn't been easy. We have argued a lot and I have noticed things that have made me try to distance myself a bit whilst I figure out my situation. However I am not perfect myself, I also have some health concerns and other issues that may or may not contribute to the problems we have had.
I just wanted to give an example of how it went when I saw him recently and whether you agree that I may be too sensitive or easily offended (his words) or whether it does sound like shitty behaviour/a shitty day. I probably will give too much detail, I am not sure why he would ever come across this site but if he does and twigs, so be it!
So here is a rundown of what occurred recently:
I contacted him to ask to hang out. He seemed happy to do that and agreed a time later on. However when I arrived it was clear he was in some kind of mood. Perhaps because I have been unwell lately due to ongoing health concern and unable to see him every single blooming day. Perhaps because I am not a huge texter at the best of times (he knows this) and hadn't texted him the day before. However when I asked if he was ok even though it seemed clear he wasn't, he said he was fine and didn't communicate any issues to me.
Anyway he was in some mood but I tried my best to be chatty and chirpy. I started explaining a story but he began mimicking me. I guess he was trying to do it in a jokey way but I found it annoying so I said oh, I won't bother to carry on then. He said something like oh don't be like that trying to appease me, so I begrudgingly finished whatever story it was.
Then I had to nip out to pick up something. I think he knew at this point that I was concerned he was in a mood (as I had asked him if he was ok). On my return, he was suddenly ok and saying hi really nicely etc. It just felt like some sort of fake mask he had suddenly put on.
However because of what had happened earlier, my mood had been dampened so I kept my distance for a while as I was trying to process things. We watched TV for a bit.
Then I told him how I was feeling a bit unwell. He made some comment about how it was because I had been lazing about and not doing anything recently. Yet up to this point he had not actually asked me what I had done that morning or the day before! On the contrary, I had cleaned and done some work. It felt like what he usually does in a roundabout way (making me feel I am to blame). He then made some weird comment about my body and how that is related to me being unwell (won't give further detail just in case). I presume it was a dig about me being too skinny (I have lost a lot of weight since we got together, I know he is concerned about that)
I said it wasn't a very nice comment, and he said I shouldn't take offense so easily. I said oh so my feelings don't matter then, that is ok you carry on then.
...Of course, I am rarely able to find fault/joke with him/disagree with him (not that I do it really at all) without him totally blowing up about it...
This kind of thing would normally have resulted in an argument between us, I could see it could escalate but he was trying harder than normal to control it/control himself to make sure it didn't. He turned it round again to ask well why do I feel unwell then. In the end the conversation just fizzled out.
There were other things too but I am worried that I have given far too much detail already, what can you do though as I would love some advice and need to explain it obviously! Basically I had arrived in a good mood and left feeling crappy, going over and over in my head how the day had turned out disappointing and how annoyed I was by these constant little things. I know there is no point telling him how I feel any more and how that day made me feel, as he will get overly angry, it will just get twisted on me, or I will be told I am too sensitive.
Am I too easily offended? Is it normal for adults to mimick their partners voice, often blame things even tiny things on their partner all the time (eg if keys cant be found, jokingly saying oh you must have put them somewhere even if they aren't my keys), try to make jokes about them (however jokey, subtle or not very harsh they are) and say it was just a joke. I don't know if now I am older I do not tolerate 'banter' like I used to.
The thing is that when we first got together he often complimented me and seemed nice and very into me. I know we have had our ups and downs but now he is normally just joking around with me, usually not very harsh things though but still, then saying it was just a joke. I can't remember the last time he complimented me, the only time I remember is when I fished for it eg asking him if I looked nice. I know I am not perfect by any means and my health issues are a problem. But I still compliment him occasionally, I thank him for what he does for me, I don't mimick his voice or really joke at his expense.
Would this kind of day piss you off too or am I too sensitive? Sorry this is so long!
Thanks!