Have you ever been asked 'Will you do X for my birthday?'

[NoMoreDickheads]

Ex, as one of his many coercion tactics, asked me if I would do something for his birthday.

He is an ex because of his constant sexual nagging.

I agreed to do it when he asked me a couple of months before, but backed out a few weeks nearer the time. He knew I never wanted to do it, that's why he used the line.

Apparently, this line is quite common. Has anyone ever tried this line on you?

What line OP . What on earth is it he asked you for?

No this hasnt happened to me, i've never heard of such a thing but why do you still communicate with your abusive ex? Coercive sex is rape, pestering for sex is harassment. He is an EX, OP, what goes on on his birthday should be nothing to do with you and there is absolutely nothing you should be doing for him, nor do you need to be available for him, you owe him nothing and you are not under his control.

Block him?

I assume he’s become an ex since this happened

Op I’ve done the whole fantasy sex (dress up/role play) for birthdays (when I was much younger!) but never anything I’m uncomfortable with. Never had a partner ask me to do something he knew I was uncomfortable with, would have been the end of the relationship if he did.

I wouldn’t overthink it OP, you didn’t do it, your now broken up. Move onwards and forwards and don’t worry about whether is common or not. Each relationship/person is unique so what is said/meant in others will never compare to what you feel

No. Have never been asked to do specific sexual favours for his birthday. It would be his last request to me if he did, thankfully he is more respectful than that.

No I've never been asked for sexual favours for a birthday gift. He sounds like a prick.

No, "birthday sex" was always within our usual repertoire, not something I wouldn't usually do because I don't like it. Because he was many things but not that.

It's anal, isn't it? I haven't but if I was I would laugh and say yes, if I can start on a dildo and peg you for mine. I'm assuming that wouldn't go down well: it doesn't in most cases.

Agree with PPs about it being coercive BYW. It's certainly emotional blackmail.

If he’s your ex why are you even talking to him? Why is he in your life at all?
If you have children with him, talk to him about the children nothing else.
Who cares about his birthday ?

I think op is trying to figure out her own boundaries and what is "normal" following this exploitative relationship, lllot5. Fitting together the jigsaw of what went on.

?
I don't communicate with him at all, I said this particular nag happened at some point, and I managed to back out of it. I wrote this all in the past tense. The 'will you do X for my birthday' was said in about September- his birthday was in the December.

I didn't mention what it was in case people didn't like it on the Relationships board, bt as people have asked, he tried to get me to have a threesome with himself and another woman for his birthday. I'm bi butI didn't find her attractive, which he well knew.

Haven't been in touch with him for about 6 weeks or something, since you all helped me realize what he was like. He was then blocked on everything. Have not missed him at all, as I realized he was insincere andall the 'good' he did was probably false, and was token.

I certainly would try not to let anyone do any of this stuff at any point, and to boot men out at any sign of coercion or manipulation.

I'm angry about it all, but in a healthy and not particularly painful way, the process of anger into boundaries will hopefully help me not take any ship from these types in future.

I just wrote a thread about it as I thought some other women might have experienced it, so it might be something to discuss. It was once mentioned as a tactic in 'two pints of lager and a packet of crisps,' about another act.

I think I just thought of it because it's one of the many things I hope to not allow in future. I'm not obsessed about what men do in a bad way, it's just getting myself psyched up to bin them if anyone does that again.

I'm also not in any hurry to get involved with anyone else.