Red flags ? OLD

[Floral89x]

Not sure if these messages are coming across as too much or if this is just normal flirting.
He messaged me first by saying "You look like a model 😍".
2nd message involved talking about hobbies etc. Ended it by saying "you are really pretty !" to me.
4th message talking about work, and when I told him I was a teacher he said, "I hope you know that all the students will fancy you."

3 different messages have made reference to my looks. Ok he has talked about other stuff, but can just do without yet another guy angling for a shag.

Would you bother ?

All he talks about is looks. He is superficial and after one thing. Find someone else.

Yeah... I mean he's asking me about my job, hobbies etc but been talking for 1 evening and he's made 3 comments about how I look..

I wouldn't bother, especially after that third message, yuck.

Grim

Yep just thinking with his penis. Hes trying to sound like he isn't by asking all the right questions but is letting himself down by just taking it back to what he can see not who you are. I cant be bothered with these types. I'd throw him back but then I dont have much luck with old either so what do I know lol.

I wouldn't bother no OP he sounds like a 12 year old and I think its safe to assume that he trots that out for everyone he messages in the hope of finding someone who thinks 'wow he must REALLY like me if he says that'

Frankly, I would be done at his puerile suggestion that students would fancy me, as if that is remotely desirable or complimentary as an adult professional, or indeed at all appropriate. Proper grim OP, get rid!

I don't reply to any message that refers to how I look...I find men like that shallow. They will occasionally also throw in a question which I've clearly answered on my profile...eg what do you do, or where do you live! Which tells me that they are too lazy to read and only look at pictures...arses! Once or twice I've bothered to call them out, by saying 'you'd know what I do/where I live if you'd read my bio'. They admit then that they haven't read it, usually with a 'LOL' (gets right on my tits that!!!!)

Block and move on OP!

Oh for goodness sake - it’s called flirting ... let’s face it - if it’s tinder or bumble or another of the swipe ones, it is initially based on looks anyway. You may find it sleazy but it’s not a red flag. Just keep ignoring those comments if you don’t like them and carry on chatting. Just think of it as a compliment?

Oh, and I'm also a teacher...this (and nurses too I imagine) seems to bring out the worst in men! Constantly get 'hey Teach' which is ridiculous! (I usually respond back 'oh, hey Drive/Bank/Butch' which goes down like a lead balloon 😂). I've had the smutty comments so often it's sad how little imagination these men have...yet they think I should be flattered at their 'I bet all the boys have a crush on you/didn't make teachers like you when I was at school/do you wear glasses and stockings/you can spank me anytime you want teach' comments 🤬. Just grim!!! I teach 5 year olds ffs, their comments are SO inappropriate it makes my skin crawl!!

One guy added 'teach' to the end of every sentence in his opening gambit...hey teach, how's it going teach, would love to bend over your knee teach 😨. Utterly ridiculous!

Thanks everyone, i've unmatched now ! Once was OK but 3 different comments was just too much.. And yeah how weird to think i'd be happy about 15 year-olds fancying me 😂

I had someone message me to tell me I was beautiful with a gorgeous smile - I pointed out that I didn’t have any pictures on my profile- message back - I can just tell reading your profile 😂😂

Oh wow, that's just ridiculous 😂😂 they just trot the same lines out to anything with a pulse don't they.

@Floral89x

I think everyone is so bloody harsh, no wonder no one ever gets matched!
Bloody hell. Its a dating site....you know very little about each other apart from how you LOOK. Its liking the LOOK of someone that makes us click and find out more, surely ????

So he over complimented you. So???? Poor guy. He wasn't being sleazy! He wasnt saying "your tits look great" , he was saying he thinks you're beautiful.

Such pretentious bullshit.

Wow he was trying to flirt may be clumsily but trying. Can men do anything right on mumsnet,they get absolutely lambasted for even breathing. I'm saying this as a woman as well

As a bloke who is new to OLD and having read this thread with interest, can women here give examples of acceptable flirting and unacceptable flirting? It’s a minefield, I’d like to say a woman looks attractive etc but it seems such a fine line....

Any thoughts?

@Fender222

Its absolutely fine to tell a woman you think she is beautiful. Ignore the posters who are so high up on their soap boxes they actually find a way to get offended when a potential date remarks that they are pretty. Its those people who never get anywhere on OLD and then bitch about it.

Just be a normal nice guy if you think a woman is beautiful, say so (maybe not 3 times in one conversation but you get the idea). Be complimentary but never sleazy and most normal women will respond positively

@Fender222 my thoughts are that looks are just looks, and it’s mostly genetic. So to me, it’s as boring as being told “oh hey, you have 2 eyes!” The thing I wanted from OLD (and it’s possible, I got it - some great dates, a few short lived things and a husband!) was someone to respond to what I said, what I did, what I was interested. All the things that were actually me. For example, I had a camper van in my profile picture. After a bit of chat about that, I liked to hear, “I love that you take off alone for weekends - you sound adventurous!” Not, “you look so beautiful.”
Similarly, I liked the guys who messaged, “I really laughed at xxx line in your profile”, not “hey sexy” because it showed they’d read the damn thing and were responding to my personality.

I can honestly say that every physical comment I got when OLD was generic and lazy, and was never from the men who actually commented on the things related to my profile, or what I was saying to them in initial message exchanges.

If all a man can think to say is, “you’re gorgeous”, I think he’s dull.

Now I wouldn’t write someone off for messaging about my interests and throwing in a physical compliment. “I love your camper van, my parents had one and I used to love it. It’s nice to see a woman with a gorgeous van on here... and of course it’s nice that you’re gorgeous too 😉” then I wouldn’t throw him out with the bath water!

But my own experience of OLD was physical compliment after physical compliment with no substance in between. Which just made me find the man dull.

@mamato3lads - thank you for your comments. I’d agree that once is enough. I suppose the difficult judgement is how to be flirty without coming across or being judged as a sleaze bag or creep...

I had one the other day said Hi you are beautiful so I said thanks then he said can I have your number I said why so soon he said I want to talk to you, so I thought oh I know what he s after so I said what are you looking for? He said me and that he had to talk to me soon rather than texting. I found it creepy so promptly got rid. How on earth can you tell anything after one sentence. There are some right weirdos out there we MUST have our wits about us and trust our gut for Def.

Once is absolutely enough! When it’s at the messaging stage. Otherwise it sounds lazy, boring - and insincere.

@Ellisandra - thank you for taking the time to comment. I was recently ghosted when OLD despite many happy dates which were affectionate and seemingly relaxed so I was a bit bruised but I’m going to return to OLD and with the support of the women here I’m hoping to be luckier next time. Such advice gives such an insight, I was doing most of your pointers but I’m always happy to learn even at 57! Thank you...