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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

At a loss how to move forward in relationship

4 replies

Aerial2020 · 08/03/2020 19:19

I've been seeing a guy for 2.5 years.
There are many positives but there is one thing I struggle with and I'm not sure if we have a way forward.
He can be quite self centred at times. He has admitted this and is trying not to be as doesn't always realise until I point it out.
He isn't always able to respond very well when I'm having a hard time sometimes in life. Usual stuff as a single parent, recent bereavement etc So when I'm anything but happy, he struggles how to respond and starts talking about himself, dismisses it or starts talking about a friend he's worried about. When I'm like, what about me? Please support me.
I've spoken about this to him many times and it isn't getting better. He means well, he just doesn't know what to do.
But he does like to offload on me when he's got stuff.
I'm finding that I'm switching off when he does this as I get nothing back. I feel so sad that its not recipocated .Again, I've talked to him about this but he doesn't understand as he says he's trying and I need to be more clear. Which upsets me as I've don't know how more clear I can be. It's putting it back on me like it's my fault.
Other areas we get on so well so it's really hard to end it.
But I feel disconnecting. I have lovely friends so I don't offload massively. It's when life is hard, I would like him to be interested in my feelings like a boyf would.
The bereavement hit me hard last year. He offered an ear to talk about it. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea as I know what he's like but I wanted to give it a chance as it was straight after the funeral. He asked a few questions and then started talking about something else.
I felt worse.
Don't really know what answers to get on here as I know in my gut what to do but I hope it will change/get better.

OP posts:
Aerial2020 · 08/03/2020 20:33

Bump.
Anyone?

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 08/03/2020 20:34

He sounds like a dick, I'd ditch him and get a decent therapist instead.

Fairycake2 · 08/03/2020 20:51

Sorry but I think you need to end this. He's clearly not able to have a grown up relationhip. You deserve someone who will support you as much as they support them

Summersunandoranges · 08/03/2020 21:05

He just hasn’t got emotional maturity or intelligence tbh. It will always be like hitting yourself head against a brick wall.

How can you have an fulfilling adult relationship with some one who just can’t support you when you actually really do need it.

It won’t get better you know that. 2.5 years gives you a grasp of who they are. Doesn’t mean he is a bad person just some one that isn’t compatible with you.

I’ve met fucking loads like this Grin

Thankfully my DH will rub my feet and let me off load about anything. Today it was about international women’s day being taken over by men Grin

How old are you?

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