Mother’s Day drama

[Beeperbird]

My DH and I have two children - 3 & 1.
My parents will be staying with us this Mother’s Day, just a coincidence as it was the only week they could visit. I’d normally send a card / make a present but it’ll nice to see my mum this year on the day, she lives about 5 hours away.
My DH’s mum lives about an hour away.
Anyway, my SIL keeps asking my DH to help plan activities on Mother’s Day for their mum. My DH is ignoring her (he says “I don’t know what I want to do”) and I don’t have the energy to push him either way at the moment.
Of course I’d rather he with me and the children, and my parents - but I’d understand if he wanted to visit his mum. I know that I’ll be blamed by his family if he doesn’t plan anything for his mum, as essentially he doesn’t do much without me organising it!
Unfortunately not the option to have everyone together due to a multitude of reasons.
Any advice welcome! My gut says to leave him to it (which essentially means he won’t go and see her) and get him to face the consequences if they (SIL & MIL) kick off!

Absolutely leave it to him, it's his mum. As long as he knows that you are happy for him to go then it's all up to him.

Leave him to it; I sometimes ask DHs mum to join us or suggest we see her for Mother’s Day but that’s only because I love her and she does a lot for me otherwise I’d leave him to it like I do with most of his family stuff

Any advice welcome! My gut says to leave him to it (which essentially means he won’t go and see her) and get him to face the consequences if they (SIL & MIL) kick off!

Absolutely this op, his mother his responcability to sort out anything for her.

Just stand solid and ignore any fall out, it doesnt sound as though you and her have a loving relationship, so fuck it.

Tell sil that you’ve told dh to sort something out for MIL as you’ve got your mum with you this year so will leave the arrangements to them this time, hope she understands and they have a great time...

We usually do things over a couple of weekends, there are just too many people to consider and accommodate. There is my mum and MIL, but my mum and dad still have their mums to think about. DH also like to make the day special for me (our kids are still to young to do things on their own for Mother's Day) and doesn't want me 'hosting' all day. So we often do something with my lot one weekend, then the following weekend with MIL, one of which may actually be Mother's Day. Sometimes my mum gets 2 meals out if my brothers can't make it when we go out because they also have partners with mums to consider.

Just get him to tell SIL that this year you have your mum with you for the first time in however many years, can we arrange for the weekend after?

Sounds like DH is happy for the women in his life to deal with arrangement and emotional labour while he is passive, which is ironic, as, assuming SIL is a mum, he is expecting the mums to sort out Mother's Day while he just steps back.

Thanks all.
I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t give a shit about his family, he does a huge amount for them, he just doesn’t see the importance in Mother’s Day I think! It’s not how he shows love, he does it in other ways.

Bizarre post weary. I’d say it’s the opposite way round. Anyone can send a card or meet up on a “Hallmark” designated day. If they have a good relationship, showing appreciation the rest of the year would be surely more important and significant?

Thanks for your opinion @Wearywithteens.
Respectfully I don’t agree. He goes above & beyond for his family in other ways. I think @Pinycay has summed it up well.

Whatever you decide, get a workable solution in now, or you will be posting here in a decade with the same issues.
Mothers day can be lovely for you but realistically, unless they are going to carry you round in a sedan chair all day, it's pretty much business as usual after you've had a handmade card lobbed at you. He needs to sort out his dm and not leave it to you and you need to stop letting the day become too big.