Pregnant fiance doesn't love me any more

[forestry268]

Hello all. First time poster here, just want to share my story and hear if anyone else has any experiences similar to what's happening with me.

Very long story short, myself (31M) and my (ex) fiance (25F) broke up after she told me she doesn't love me any more. She's pregnant too after trying for a baby together late last year. I don't know why, what changed, how she ever felt about me or really anything like that. I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run. All I want is for her and our baby to be happy, so I'm doing everything I can to make sure that happens.

I'm not dealing with the break up well at all. I worry that when the baby arrives I'll subconsciously get back at her and undermine her as a mother. I'm also worried I'll break before the baby gets here. It's so painful. I can't get over her really as I've got to be there for the baby. And with that, there's all the rejection, confusion, heartbreak...I just don't know what I did, or didn't do, or what changed.

Please has anyone got any advise on this? I'm trying so hard but I'm scared I'll fail. Thank you all so much.

Oh dear sending hugs you sound very distressed at the minute. I’d stop thinking about things so far in the future and take each day as it comes. She may be feeling insecure herself and it may have initiated the split? Do you know how long she has been feeling this way?

Take a step back and breath. The baby isn’t here yet so don’t worry too much but do what you can to support her through the pregnancy and if she doesn’t want to get back together plenty of people do parent efficiently. Not everyone sees eye to eye even when they are as a family unit but I’m sure you and her will be able to resolve these things amicably

Best of luck

@heartburn888 Thanks so much. I've chatted to her a bit and she doesn't know how long she's felt that way, whether it was a slow burn or sudden stop in how she felt. I've been doing my best to be there whenever she needs and just focus on what we'll do when the baby arrives but it's difficult. I love her so much but I'm also seeing the relationship in a different light now. I'm seeing a councilor who suggested that it sounds like I've been emotionally abused. I don't think that's true but some of the things she pointed out were quite similar. I think it's because she was going through some quite bad mental health issues.

Why would you "get back" at her by "undermining her as a mother"?

Do you realise how chilling and abnormal that statement is OP?

In what way do you consider that she emotionally abused you?

@picsinred That term was something said by my councillor when I was discussing what I would envisage our relationship as parents. I was worried about how it would work and what I wanted to avoid happening.

Why would you "get back" at her by "undermining her as a mother"?

Do you realise how chilling and abnormal that statement is OP?

Agree. This made me almost gasp.

You say your counsellor said it and so you're worried about doing it... nah.

If you're even remotely concerned about doing that then there is something very, very wrong.

Sent shivers down my spine too! I read it 3 times as I could not believe that was said. You sound unwell and I hope u keep away from her until you are mentally well. I had a bitter, man undermining me and it spoilt my first months with my child. Sort yourself out and grow up