Trigger warning - sexual abuse question - wierd dreams

[Anonforobviousreasons]

Sorry for those who dont even want to see the title of the thread, I didnt know how to phrase it. Same for the post itself, Im struggling to verbalise my question.

So, Im late 40s female... I remember quite clearly that when I was a teenager my dad was forever telling me how sexually attractive I was, what nice breasts I had, how I needed to be careful because men are predatory. He often told me details about his sex life that I really didnt want to know, really graphic stuff. I recall most of this being after my parents split up when I was about 15 (mum moved out, dad told her she couldnt take me, she was terrified of him.) He was always saying pervy things about my friends too, and none of them felt comfortable being anywhere near him. Years later I realised that I spent my teenage years feeling sexually threatened by him. I've had lots of therapy over the years to deal with that and other stuff.

So over the last few years I have had some dreams about being in bed with him and in the dream Im really angry but cant express it. The dreams leave me feeling really uncomfortable. Mostly they are strange and unrealistic enough that I can dismiss them as 'just a dream'. But they seem to be becoming more realistic. The latest one in particular has stayed with me; something my dad says to me in the dream feels so real that my stomach turns over if I think of it.

I guess Im worried Im remembering things and that his behaviour towards me was worse than I have always believed. So, can stuff suddenly come back to you in dreams?? Or is it more likely that they are simply dreams that I shouldnt take too seriously? My stomach is churning writing this. Any insighst would be so useful.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, that must have been very frightening for a young woman to be left with someone like that. I'm glad to hear you've had therapy.

I can give an opinion on what is going on but have no idea if it's true. Sometimes the brain shuts down when someone is overwhelmed with trauma. The mind is amazing at protecting itself in that way. It protects itself through forgetting and dissociation as well as other ways.

Once away from the situation, and this could be many years later, the memories come back. This can cause a type of 'flooding' which is post traumatic stress disorder. You feel as though you are experiencing the situation all over again.

Sometimes memories can come back in the form of dreams. These may be real memories trying to come back into your consciousness after being buried for a long time. It's common for those who have experienced child sexual trauma, not to actually remember incidents until it's triggered many years later or, in this case, perhaps when it's safe to remember it. It's now safe for you to feel those very strong and frightening emotions.

Childbirth can also release these memories and some women who have been sexually abused as children, sometimes 'remember' the abuse during childbirth.

Recovery and healing from such trauma happens in stages. You might find a therapist that specialise in trauma recovery helpful at this time OP.

Obviously no one can tell you with certainty what happened back then OP, but, as an opinion, I would be surprised if a man inclined to regularly speak to his fifteen-year-old daughter like that wouldn't take his sick perversions further. I would especially suspect this if he was left to care for her alone, providing ample opportunity to do so without the worry of getting caught.

Please take care of yourself and seek the support of a therapist specially trained and experienced in working with survivors of incestuous abuse. Even if nothing physical happened, you still have a lot of psychological trauma to work through.

I would second therapy. I believe I was abused as a child and I believe my brain had wiped the memories similar to how the first poster described and it came back to me years later when I was about 19. I wasn’t sure if I was making it up in my own mind and making myself believe I was subject to this abuse but I didn’t understand why or how I would fabricate this experience and at times the memory did feel real. I somehow felt that I could unlock more of this experience if I really tried but I concluded that it has been buried for a reason so started my healing process but I was very distraught for a while once I realised it was fact and not my brain playing tricks on me.

I myself have not been to therapy but just waited it out and re-buried I suppose but I went down a path of alcohol and drugs to help me ‘forget’.

Thinking back to it now it is a bit hazy and I can’t recall all details as well as what I had once described to trusted family member but like I say it was buried the first time for a reason so I’m not going to re torture myself by trying to make myself remember every sickening detail.