3 weeks until first family court hearing...

[madamandthemartyr]

3 weeks to go till the first hearing at family court, after Ex threatening me with court multiple times I but the bullet and made the application, and disclosed domestic abuse and my fears about risk to DC.

Ex had not yet responded to court papers, and has been blanking any contact (not hassling him, but asking for his half of nursery fees or for him to confirm a change over time)

I'm scared and worried, we currently have a 50/50 arrangement which was due to change in April- Ex denies the agreement was ever in place and wants to have 90% care of DC from April.

I had to submit the application as Ex blocked DC school place (was accepted over a year ago) by making an application to another school in the same district- so she can't start school unless we 'agree' or I back down, this is what he expects.

I'm almost totally consumed by anxiety and worry about the whole situation, my work is suffering, my parenting is suffering as I can't get as involved with play etc as I should, and DC behaviour is absolutely appalling at the moment, most likely due to stress....

Not sure what I'm hoping to gain by posting, but thanks for reading.

To add to this- my young sister has gone off the rails, my father is undergoing investigation for cancer, and I'm irrationally worried about the court date being cancelled due to corona virus.

does your ex have the child 50% of the time ?

Yes he does

You poor thing!! Not surprised you’re stressed. Have you got any professional support - solicitor, Women’s Aid or similar, health visitor, GP, anyone? How old are/is DC, 4? Are there clear reasons why the school you want will be best for her/him? Why do you think he wants 90% care after April, ie what is his reasoning (which may not be what he states as his reasons to the court)?
Did you have any evidence of the domestic abuse and of the risk to DC?

Yes she is 4, was due to start school in April- I have been inviting the health visitor to visit us (also to pre-empt safeguarding concerns from his side) and am awaiting an appointment with women's aid and a counselling referral from GP.

I have no proof of DA apart from angry text messages.

His motivation seems to be mainly financial and control related. He has been claiming IS and HB up until now, he knew that this would stop in April, and as such we had agreed that she would then stay with me and visit him E/O weekend and a night each week.

Around Xmas time I had to have a difficult conversation with him as DC had been evicted from her bedroom, was sleeping on sofa and not being cared for properly (hair and teeth not brushed, allowed to stay up till midnight etc) and since then it has seemed to have trigger something in him like "I'll show her"

The school she was registered at initially is 'outstanding', it's not the closest to me (we are rural but only a few miles in it' but a smaller school where children thrive.

The school he registered her at is a similar distance, but quite poor.

We attended some shuttle mediation where to suggested several school, then decided the school he had register her at is "off the table" - and told mediation it will have to be X or Y as he is moving (but won't disclose where to).

How does she feel abt going to her dad’s? Did anyone else see the state she was coming back in? How was she emotionally? Why did she “lose” her room there?
I’d try and chase up all appts, go back to dr and say how it’s affecting you and ask to be moved up list for counselling; ask for urgent HV visit.

As regards evidence of the domestic abuse, if you set the domestic abuse out in a witness statement verified by a statement of truth (which says “I believe the facts stated in this witness statement are true”) - that is evidence. You don’t have to describe every single example of abuse but enough examples so the court gets the flavour of what has gone on. Provide as much detail as you can remember about what happened and roughly when it happened.

Include details of his treatment of your DD because he sounds neglectful.

Based on what you have said, there is absolutely no reason why he would get 90% custody - he’s just trying to scare you.

Good luck.

I have no advice I’m afraid but sending hugs! He sounds like a non head I mean what parent would delay their child’s start to education just to get one over on the mother. Hopefully the judge will see he’s trying to control you through the dc

Thank you all,
Yes I have witnesses to the state she was coming home in, she doesn't usually want to go, but the new girlfriend makes it more fun and appealing.

She lost her bedroom because he moved his girlfriend and her teenager in, they had been together a month or so when she needed to move out of her property for some reason, so teenager was given DDs room.

Emotionally she has been in a state over the summer, crying and clinging to me or her grandma, telling her dad she doesn't want to go- this has settled a bit now but she is still anxious and worried.

Health visitor is coming again next week, and I will chase up GP referral!