Is it over for us?

[Alicejames12]

I've been with my partner for Over 10 years and have two children and a house together. We still love each other and life is pretty normal in terms family life. Money isnt a problem but we dont get much time for just us.

But..

Hes always been a drinker, never violent or abusive but just annoying and generally I dont like him when hes drunk. Hes a really good dad when hes sober but as soon as he starts drinking he forgets he has a family.

I just feel stuck, he drinks a few nights in the week and both days at the weekend. We both hold down full and part time jobs so dont spend alot of time together. I've shared that I dont enjoy spending time with him when hes drunk but he lasts for one week without drink then hes back to it. Things that annoy me is I cant have a conversation with him or understand him when hes drunk, he forgets we have children upstairs in bed and is banging about and wouldn't think twice about going out and not coming back and leaving me stuck at home.

I've asked him why he drinks and he says hes bored and gets fed up of being at home but my view is when you have children life isnt the same as being in your 20s.

Yesterday we went out as a family had a lovely day and came back just after lunch. We came back and toddler was having a nap. He said he was going the shop and ended up going his mates for drinks to watch the football then coming back around 8pm coming back rather drunk and then just being antisocial able on his phone ect. I just said what's the point in you coming home? So off he went out again till 1am.

I'm just sitting here wondering if this all there is to our life and would we be better apart?

Any advise please?

Speak to Al-Anon. Sounds like you're married to an alcoholic.

It sounds like he’s struggling to come to terms with family life and all the sacrifices in his social outings that brings. My wife and I are in a situation we’re we have limited to no child care whatsoever for going out together. The arrangement we came to was when one of us wants to go out the other will look after the children. Sit down and talk through with him about limiting the number of days he goes out a week, say for example every Friday or Saturday night don’t go down the route of banning him from drinking completely that road only leads to resentment. Has a compromise then let him assume his responsibility of having the children on a certain day/night whilst you go out and pursue whatever pastime you desire it works for us.