Ending friendships

[Blueviolet1]

I went for dinner yesterday with a so called ‘friend’ and it really hit me that I never had to see her again if I didn’t want and was under no sort of obligation - it felt very freeing. I always feel so judged after seeing her. She is from a very upper middle class background and I’m not which is fine in itself but she seems to have no awareness of her privilege at all and it really grates. For example she was ranting nonstop about the fact she’d have to move into her parents studio in central London for a few months (rent free) which would be 10 mins further away than where she currently likes to go for brunch and to yoga The other girl we were with was really genuinely commiserating and I just felt like heaving a massive sigh. But the main thing that upset me and I’d like some thoughts on as to whether others would be also annoyed by this - as a child and young adult I moved around a lot and didn’t grow up with a set group of friends. I’m settled somewhere now but had to consciously try and build friendships which can be difficult to do as an adult, so I mainly did it online, using groups like meet-up, Bumble BFF etc. I’ve met a lot of really lovely people this way and feel quite proud that I’ve made a lot of friends through the internet as I’m naturally quite shy. Yesterday this ‘friend’ said ‘how many of your friends are from the internet now?’ with a really bitchy laugh. Felt like saying not all of us grow up in the perfect middle class family with a ready made group of friends. Do I sound like I’m being overly sensitive?

No. She sounds like a bit of a cow.

No! She sounds like a self entitled bitch.
I’m a firm believer now of dispensing with toxic people. For 40 years I put up with poor behaviour and my voice getting lost.
One of the relationships that went was my friend that I’d had since I was 11, along with her family. I was very sad for a while but now I’m relieved I’m free of her. She did nothing but criticise me and had absolutely no interest in me or my life.
Spend time with people who care about you and support you. It makes you feel a lot better

@Blueviolet1 You sound like me joining meetup and Bumble to make new friends which there is nothing wrong in doing so as you can make so many good friends and have great times along the way!

Your post said: Yesterday this ‘friend’ said ‘how many of your friends are from the internet now?’ with a really bitchy laugh.

I think your 'friend' sounds jealous. I had a friend like her always making digs. I didn't see her for 4 years and then she got back in touch and said I made up an illness and was lazy so I blocked her on all forms of electronic contact and ignored the birthday and Christmas card. These people know exactly what they are doing and you should not be their emotional punchbag because they have not gotten over the self esteem issues.

Move on, there are plenty of people out there who want good friends and will treat you with the respect. I certainly don't miss my 'friend'.

I wouldn't want to be her friend either.

The thing is how do people end toxic relationships?

I have friends that I sometimes think 'if I never met up with you again I wouldn't be bothered' but I also don't like the idea of ghosting?

This is how you treat working class people. Admit it

“The thing is how do people end toxic relationships?”

Tell them it’s over, and why, if you’re unhappy ghosting.

I’d do that before ghosting, but of course it’s personal choice.

Nope, you sound perfectly justified. I 'broke up' with my best friend of 10 years for similar reasons - I never grieved the loss of a relationship. Quite the opposite, I've felt free for the first time in ages. Don't feel guilty for canning her - life's too short.

@SoleBizzz who? Me? I am working class

I had a frenemy like this during my teens n 20s. She came from quite a chaotic background and my lovely mum treated her like a daughter. She became very enmeshed in our family even dating one of my cousins at one point. She would say nasty sly things and be very PA. It kind of worked against her though because other people could see what she was like and didn’t want to get involved with her. I was worried I would have to have her in my life forever. Luckily she emigrated and I just slowly began to withdraw. It was such a relief. She had even started to be the same with my parents.
I genuinely think she was jealous of my life and did it to make her feel better about herself.
Still think about it even now.

Tell them it’s over, and why, if you’re unhappy ghosting.

I’d do that before ghosting, but of course it’s personal choice.*

I don't know what good can come of that though aside from upsetting the person on the receiving end? Also, usually people like that are unable to see their downfalls and have no self awareness (or else they would have fixed the problem) so you kinda think what's the point?

I ended a friendship recently and actually did tell them why, she ended up crying her eyes out and we haven't spoken since so I just think it's a lose lose situation.

It's a very awkward Situation in my opinion

She's self entitled, self pitying, judgemental and critical. I would have no hesitation in kicking her to the kerb. I don't have the energy or inclination to waste time on people like this although it took me a long time to get to this point.

Op, it sounds like you've made some great friends. Who cares how they came into your life? Focus on them and let go of princess perfect.

I'd ghost. Because she may not even notice you ghosted her. If she does notice, just explain that you have had enough of friendships where you are belittled and that you are focusing on friends who seem to genuinely enjoy your company, some of them even found, originally, on the internet!

Kick her to the kerb, you don't need negative people like this in your life. Stick with your internet friends - who cares how you meet people FFS? She sounds horrible.

I've in an "ending friendship dilemma" and have decide not to ghost, but to just be "busy".

I had thought it was better to be honest, but this friend is immune to seeing she may have been in the wrong about something (I've apologised even when I've not actually done anything, but she's turned the situation around, just to not make a big deal about something and smooth things over). With some people it's about how much energy you are going to have to invest. I'm extremely upset this friendship has run its course, but that's what the reality is. "Ending it" with this friend would result in some very hurtful things said to me (she's previously made PA comments about a time I was suicidal and reached out for help rather than topping myself..).

Sometimes it can be good to be upfront, but not always.

Also it depends on whether you have to see them again. I am likely to have to see her in the future social settings so I don't want any drama.

OP you sound like you have actual friends! Good for you! Do you really have time in your life to donate to this woman rather than spend it with proper friends?

Okay, glad it’s not just me!!! I’m making a concerted effort now to find more people from similar socioeconomic background to me. When I went to uni I was surrounded by people from upper middle class background and I think I tried to give off the impression I too was of a similar background - not consciously I don’t think, but I’ve only really realised over the past year or so how toxic it all was for my sense of self. Listening to very middle class concerns and judging myself as somehow ‘wrong’ or ‘failing’ by comparison. Bit of a digression I know lol. I feel really peaceful now knowing I can just never speak to this person again and not give a hoot about it.