feel awful after ending our relationship that had fizzled out

[DanR89]

I recently started a thread on here basically asking opinions on what I should do about my relationship with my partner who I basically wasn’t connecting with and didn’t feel I loved her anymore which I felt awful for and guilty for not feeling the same after 6 years together while raising our 4yo boy

We pretty much didn’t spend time together in anyway so sex once a month if that we slept at different times me being a night owl her an early bird Im the only one who works and brings the money in for everything but she spends it I just pay bills

I work long days 5 days a week then weekends we would do house work in separate rooms and so on we never flirted with each other and never really had a laugh together just didn’t feel close

To sum it up she is an amazing mum to our boy and would go out of her way for anyone but me she didn’t listen to me and would talk over me when I spoke she’d belittle me in front of her friends she was the boss of the relationship and my opinions didn’t count for anything

We had an argument last month and I stayed out for a couple of nights at family’s for some space and time to think about our relationship and realised all the issues I mentioned above and told her about them and we needed to sort them out

I felt at the time I should just leave as I wasn’t happy but stayed because I didn’t want to give up on what was once the best part of my life we tried over the last month but ultimately nothing much changed

So a few days ago I made the decision it was time to call it a day as I just felt so guilty for not feeling the love I once had for her she was the best part of my life and the love of my life until I realised the issues we had

The recent thread I posted everyone said it sounds like it’s over and it’s the right thing to do everyone I spoke to about it said the same but I can’t help feel awful for breaking her heart as she loved me still even though my heart and head had said it was over

So to sum up basically is it normal to feel awful for leaving her even though it was the right thing to do and is it normal to miss the little things that was good as in the odd cuddles and days when it was good and still think of our time together as one of the best parts of my life when the relationship was good at least

I feel heartbroken that it’s ended up being a relationship that started and lasted so well to ending up ultimately unhappy and unfulfilled she was the love of my life but she just didn’t feel like that by the end now she’s heartbroken I’ve left and I’m heartbroken it’s got like that and that what once was great is long gone even before the break up

Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance for reading

Yes its normal to feel awful. You are leaving behind a part of your life and moving from something you knew well to something less stable.

The cuddles and affection you miss are normal in a relationship, when you find another one you will have them again.

Take some time out to focus on yourself, do some of the things you have been meaning to do - gym, weekends away, catch up with old friends.

Best of luck.

Yes it’s normal to feel awful for being the one to finally pull the plug on a relationship that has failed. Give yourself some time. By all means concentrate on getting yourself through it but also on your DS who presumably you are still seeing and looking after some weeknights/weekends. He should be the priority for both parents.

So sorry OP. Yes it is completely normal. We humans are social animals and we are wired to stay together. When we do part from a partner, our bodies go through all sorts of very painful suffering, because a deep part of our brains is using stone age level techniques to try to keep us with our "pack". Feeling nauseated, empty, deeply lonely, remembering the good times and finding it hard to remember the bad, etc is all part of it. Its extremely hard. Very sorry to hear you are suffering like this.

Focus on your DS and yourself. You'll get through it.