Emergency Court Order. It sounds very drastic ?

[Isthisnormalorisitme]

I've just had a legal meeting and it has been suggested that I apply for an emergency court order. It sounds a bit drastic, has anyone had any experience?

I'm just linking in my previous threads for background. It has been going on a while (15 years to be precise )

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3679996-Does-anyone-else-get-constant-cristism-and-is-it-normal

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3824697-Hes-threatened-to-take-me-to-court

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3446720-Would-you-say-this-is-coercive-control

I have tried to leave before (as in previous threads) but my son was dragged in on the conversation with the blame on me for splitting up the family. I ended up backing down

I am currently in a similar situation in terms of DP threatening to fight me in court for full custody of DC because I told him I was unhappy in the relationship. I spoke to a solicitor and they told me because he gets so angry I should leave whilst he’s out and if he doesn’t let you take her call the police and then discussed the emergency court order. I too think that all sounds so drastic because I’m civilised and want it to be amicable and can’t imagine doing those things! I’ve also been getting the guilt trip about splitting up our family over nothing and ruining everyone’s lives.
I have no advice for you I’m afraid other than support from someone who is in the same boat (and struggling!)
I hope someone else can be more helpful x

lostandconfused20

Exactly this! I'm thinking of the long term implications, the hurt and anger caused by me doing it x

I’m thinking of the long term implications for me as well as the family though, and although he tells me I’m being a selfish b#*ch for splitting up our family it hurts so much, I do know that I will be happier in the long run. And that is important for our children. I have friends who tell me their parents staying together didn’t do them any favours because they didn’t see a happy relationship growing up.
It’s so difficult and actually I think for me the raising a LO in a split family will be easier than the telling him it’s over and dealing with the abuse I’ll surely get

@lostandconfused20
Argh ditto! The barrister who my solicitor has recommended says I'm definitely in an emotionally abusive relationship, but regardless you should be able to leave without threats!
My OH is manipulative toward DC and is trying to paint me as incapable. Everything's said in front of DC - which is I think why they have suggested the court order, so we can just get out without the initial fallout. But....I am wondering whether the fallout will be worse long term if I go down the legal route (or whether it's best to have clear boundaries from the start!)
It has also been suggested that they may do supervised contact because of manipulation etc. This would kill my OH as he loves DC so much

Abuse is already drastic.

All your worrying and concerns are shaped by the coercive control you have been subjected to. Listen to the objective professional advice.

If your OH loved the children that much he wouldn't be abusing you and wouldn't be using them as weapons to abuse you. I'm sorry if you think that's what love looks like but it's not.

Shouldn't you be more concerned about your children being abused and manipulated if you don't ensure contact is supervised? They are the priority and they deserve to be protected.

Long term if you don't protect them properly now the children will suffer significant and lasting damage. Apply for the order.

Clear boundaries are necessary from the start.

Also OP supervised contact is never taken lightly if they are recommending that they must really think he is damaging towards the DC - and that is who you need to protect from lasting damage.

I have just read your threads, please take the advice court is going to be the only way of handling this

If your OH loved the children that much he wouldn't be abusing you and wouldn't be using them as weapons to abuse you

this. he doesn't "love them" in the same way a normal person loves. he is performing "loving dad" as part of his coercive control of you, but once they are in their teens and start having their own thoughts and opinions the controlling abuse will start on them too. he already isn't prioritising their emotional wellbeing over his own desires as he is willing to worry and stress them as part of the campaign against you. A loving parent doesn't do that.

He loves DS in an all consuming way. Plenty of 'my son' this and 'my son' that. Wants to do lots of things with him and they always have a good time (NB. Have been told it is always so much better when I am not there by DH)

However DS is now 12 and he will start to break away at some point and I'm not sure how this will pan out. And like VadenuRewetje says I think real trouble will start.
Typically it is all very calm at the moment but I have started keeping an online diary to remind myself what it's like

He loves DS in a very controlling way then which isn’t healthy for your son

@Quartz2208
Yes. I am only just starting to see this.
Something happened today, misplaced tablet. Son's reaction was absolute fear of please please don't tell daddy. Made me think.

Emergency Court Order for what OP? Non mol/Occupation Order/Prohibited Steps...?

I've re read your previous thread. First of all, well done on seeing a solicitor and getting this far as I know how hard this has been for you.

Yes to supervised contact - he's abusing your son.
Yes to whatever emergency order they want to throw at him. Sounds like they want an emergency Occupation Order to get him out of the house??

Has he been threatening you at all?

And also, well done for getting a solicitor trained in DV - sounds like they know what they're doing! Always good to hear.

Do you understand what you are being told and why? An emergency application for a court order, either occupation or non molestation means that your lawyers think you are in danger, and by extension, your son.

Do not ignore them. You will regret it six months later when you realise he is a danger to your child and you have little to show as evidence

It would be an emergency court order so that I could be the primary parent I think. They have suggested I find somewhere to rent, then collect my son from school and they will serve the order the same day.

He told me 2 weeks ago to get out of the house (not so politely) and that he would keep our son. Then later that he would be fighting for custody through courts.

I was scared, but then things have been calmer and we are both in the house

I also have to get evidence together (tapes over 2 years or so)

It just all feels a bit underhand and I'm so worried that my son will say he wants to live with dad. Sympathy vote and a bit of manipulation

Both the solicitor and barrister are excellent and specialise in family law

I'm confused and can only imagine that it's an Emergency Residence Order (?)

The thing is that now I think I'm exaggerating it and have blown it up out of all proportion

Had a row this afternoon, he said he would get builder in to finish the house so we could sell. But I have a feeling that when it comes to it he may not make life easy for me?

No OP, you're not exaggerating, you're minimising. It's very frightening going through such a change and it's a lot easier to make out that it's not that bad and bury your head.

Keep going OP. You'll regret not listening to advice and you have to protect your son. You're doing the right thing. It seems like you have the right team around you and you're going to be ok.

@12345kbm

It's so I can take our son with me, and he can't come and drag him back with him. Which he would. Son's 12 so has mobile

I have been told by my counsellor and my DS and BIL that I am minimising. But I just feel like I'm making it up!!! I have had to tape conversations to remind me

It sound like a Prohibited Steps Order to stop him being snatched.

You’ve been given legal advice from experienced council. They can see where this is going.

He is emotionally abusing your family yet your conditioned to believe you should be still kind to him and not rock the boat to much.

You are minimising but that’s because he has got in your head so much you think it’s ‘not that bad’ . The saddest thing is your DS can see it but you still won’t.

At this point you are not being a self responsible adult or parent, your being a compliant wife.

I’d quickly book some counselling sessions in to they can try and unpick why you find it so hard to face the truth of your reality.

What is bad to you?
What limit do you have?
What is your ‘I’m going right now’ limit.

Does this guy have to physically hit you to get the message across?