‘Friendship’ group - time to move on?

[Claire926]

I had a close friendship group for a few years. As soon as they met their partners the group stopped doing things such as nights out, coffee and weekends away.

After this we would only meet about 3 times a year and I felt like it was ‘reporting back’ when they would ask what I was up to. It’s like we were all telling each other all of the things we had done but without them taking part to share the experience with. I just found that pointless as I thought friends should at least do something together and I know it’s not possible to be together all of the time as friends.

When I ended up being very ill these friends disappeared and only got in touch when they had news and photos to show off. They were not bothered about me or did not offer to help when I was ill knowing that I was unwell.

It’s as though they just gave up their friends and hobbies for their partner which is unhealthy. I know other people who have busier lives now but still make time for their friends.

I have got to the stage now where I cannot be bothered with this 6 monthly meeting ‘catch up’. It’s just a bunch of strangers hanging out. I am not bitter as I want things out of life too but I feel that my version of friendship differs to theirs.

I’d be careful about severing friendships - sometimes I think you need to let them change and evolve rather than discard them. However, It doesn’t sound as if you get much out of the group anymore, so maybe backing away from the token meet ups is a good idea. Are there individuals you are closer to than others?

You don't have to go if you don't want to.
Friendships change and develop or die out with the passing of time.
I think a lot of people have groups of friends from different life stages who they might meet up with once in a while just for a catch up and there's nothing deeper any more.

It does sound like a pointless waste of time time to me. If you aren’t “living” with each other eg cinema, weekends, activities then what’s the point. Seems pretty boring to me!

Do you look forward to seeing them? If you do keep it going, if you don’t then don’t arrange to see them any more. I do have a few 2-4 times a year friends and one once a year friend and I do enjoy our get togethers. I’ve found the friendships work if we do fun stuff when we do get together so we’re creating new memories and sharing experiences.

@redcarbluecar Are there individuals you are closer to than others?

You made a good point, there are one or two of them that are still very good friends and did not give up on our friendship. I think I should focus on those people but avoid the group meets as I'm not getting anything out of it.