How to handle someone who is emotionally erratic

[Saturdayk]

Not even sure if erratic is the right word here. My daughters father and I have been separated since I was pregnant because I found him so emotionally challenging. He’s extremely sulky, very up and down, everything is always another persons fault and he really does lack perspective in my opinion. We’ve been separated nearly two years, and I have always maintained that I do not want to try and be together, I just would like a civil relationship and to work as a team so that our daughter is happy and there are no bad feelings. He’s had two relationships since then, both ending because apparently both of the women were emotionally abusive.
Now, throughout all of this he’s continuously told me how much he loves me, always comments on my physical appearance when he comes to pick up our DD. Even when he was with the other women. He constantly asks to take me out etc and I really couldn’t be any more clear. I have told him he makes me uncomfortable because he continually makes unwelcome advances towards me but he gets very sulky and unreasonable whenever I say this. Again last week after repeated advances I said once again I do not want
a relationship nor do I welcome this behaviour. Then last night I receive a text in the early hours saying how much he fancies me etc
I’m getting angry about this now as I feel he has no respect for my boundaries at all. Has anyone dealt with someone like this and do you have any tips on how to stop this without it getting nasty? Thanks in advance

Another thing he always says is that he’s not going to be happy or cope very well if I were to meet someone else, despite him having had two other relationships already? It’s just bizarre. Not that I plan on meeting anyone for a very long time. Encountering someone like this has put me off for life almost.

Type one last message stating that this is the last time you will say this, that you are not interested in any sort of relationship and all communication is to be about your daughter only. Then ignore it every time. In message and in person. Just don't respond and change the subject to your DD. He'll get fed up in the end.

Not all men are like this. I'd try and meet someone else as he may back off with another man around.

Are you 'separated' in the sense of a married couple on a break? Or 'separated' in the sense of 'not married and not a couple'? I assume the latter, since if you are married to this guy the obvious way to send a message you don't want a relationship with him is to divorce him.

I would do as Qwerty suggests. One final message to state you have no interest in a relationship with him beyond co-parenting and you will not be responding to any conversation about anything other than your DD. And mean it.

I would also limit his access to you, esp when he doesn't have your DD and so you don't need him to be able to reach you urgently. Block him on your phone and send his emails to another folder, so he can't intrude on your life all the time. I'd be tempted to consider getting another number and using that with everyone but him.

Is there anyone else who could do some of the handovers, so you don't have to endure his comments on your appearance?

Thanks for the replies!
We are separated as in never married but not a couple anymore. I am thinking of sending a message like the one that’s been suggested and if things get bad I’m sure my mum would be happy to do hand overs as I do think we need less contact with each other because something about the way things are at the moment is not working for him quite clearly!

something about the way things are at the moment is not working for him quite clearly!
The current arrangements are not working for you. I would imagine he is enjoying quite a lot the fact that he can get in your head, sulk when you tell him to stop, tell you not to have a boyfriend.

You need to detach from him - who gives a shit if he 'won't cope' if you have a boyfriend. It's none of his business if you do, and none of your business if he 'won't cope'. He's trampling all over your boundaries.

I would definitely get your mum to do some handovers.

Is he sexually assaulting you with his unwanted advances? If so, I would make it clear that if it happens again, you will involve the police. He sounds potentially dangerous.

I agree with sending the message, because it is important you maintain a boundary with him. Send him a message saying that you have no interest in a relationship with him ever, except as a co-parent. Add that if he cannot respect that, then your mother will be taking over handovers. And then stick to it - whatever he says, whatever he does, whatever he threatens.

Also google 'grey (or gray) rock', and put it into practice.

He probably feels dejected that’s he can’t get a girlfriend and now think you’ll do as a back up plan. Or perhaps even a friend with benefits. The cheek of it.

Defo the one text to decline all further advances and mum handovers for a while till he gets the message.