Online dating- bored

[Liveforever86]

I’ve been dating a man since the start of November who I met on OKC. At first it was really great- he wanted to be exclusive, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he even said he loved me in January. However over the last month things have changed. I started to feel like he was pulling away from me- not texting as much (sometimes 2 days of no contact) and seeming less interested in dates, not complimenting me as much and generally seeming like he was much less invested.
So I started to pull away too (I know it’s stupid to play games but...). It worked- he started messaging me far more and went back to behaving as he had before. However I think something changed for me- I don’t feel like I care anymore.

I’m meant to be seeing him tonight but I don’t want to. I don’t know why this is as I do really want a relationship and it was going well. I just feel like if I was going to fall in love with him I probably already would have. I find him quite boring- he is very straight and is always talking about his civil service job and how he has bought his flat(!) He is also ten years older then me and at 43 has never lived with anyone or had a relationship last more then a year, which strikes me as a little odd. I feel like we are not well suited in that I find him quite boring and emotionally repressed, whereas I’m much more intense and tend to have very passionate relationships.

I know no one can tell me what to do, but I’m really torn. Previous to this I split with my long term partner 3 years ago. I have done some online dating since and found most men are flakey/have the sweet shop mentality. As I said, I do want to be in a relationship. So I’m confused about whether I should break up with this nice guy because there isn’t really any spark or feelings on my side, or whether I will regret it. It doesn’t seem far to drag it out but maybe feelings will develop? I’m 33 and it feels like everyone else has found their person, so maybe I need to give this a go. I really don’t know what to do, anyone experienced anything similar?

Sounds like your desperation to be in a relationship is clouding your judgement here. You list a lot of things that you dont really like about him already. I would give this one a miss and find someone who is a better match. Also, people are allowed to pull away at times. Work and stress can take over and people need to refocus. I do it sometimes. Keep going with OLD and someone more fitting will come along. Good luck!

If you don't feel the passion now you won't feel it later down the line.

Don't force it and don't feel bad for not fancying him, trust how you feel and get out before you end up married to this boring man, living in his boring flat, talking about his boring job, eating boring tea and probably going to bed on boring brown bedsheets.

Thanks for the advice, I think you are both right. I’m going to end it. I know it’s the right thing to do because I don’t feel sad at all and actually just feel a bit relieved that I can get my weekends back. Don’t know if I can face any more OLD, though...!

Some people take longer to fall in love but if you are feeling like you dont want see him or get excited about seeing him that's not s good sign this early on.
How did it go ending it?

No seriously OP if you are not 'feeling it' now - you never will. The boring thing cannot be fixed, it's impossible to fancy someone who is boring you. Feelings won't 'grow' if they aren't there already - it is not an arranged marriage!! You sound great, I expect you'll find someone.