my sister hasn't responded to my wedding invitation

[divastrop]

we sort of fell out around christmas time (i found out 2nd hand from my mum)as she was annoyed my dc didnt send thank-you letters for presents.she had just sent them some clothes which i think were mail-order and way too small,even though she knows my children are taller than average and have always been in bigger clothes sizes.

anyway,i know i should have got them to write letters,but i was in and out of hospital at the time with high bp(i was 7 months pregnant with dd3),plus various other things and i just didnt think of it.i did text her,apologising,but she never replied.

i last saw her at my nan's funeral at the beginning of july,and we got on fine.i asked if she would like to come to the wedding and she said she would,although she would have to look into flights(i live in cumbria she lives in essex)as her dp doesnt like Mway driving and they dont 'do' trains.

she wrote to me a couple of weeks later,asking if i would like her to take the photos at the wedding,so i said yes please.

i sent her an official invitation at the end of july,and she hasnt replied.my mum has said that she doesnt think my sister is coming but she will 'let her give you the excuses herself'.i text my sis asking if she got the invite,no reply,so i text again asking if there was a problem and still havent heard from her(this was on saturday).

im not so much upset that she isnt coming to the wedding,as annoyed that she didnt even reply to the invitation.i dont understand.i hate all this ignoring that goes on in my family,why cant people just be upfront if theres a problem?

Don't text, phone, you know you should if you really want an answer.

Why not just ring her?

Harder to ignore a call than a text.

'why can't people just be upfront if theres a problem?'

you have said it yourself - I think you just need to bite the bullet and phone her, try and bridge the gap a bit before things get too awkward.

I can certainly see why you are upset but try not to dig your heels in about this - she is your sister and you don't know if there may be a simple reason she hasn't yet responded, in the same way you didn't get rounbd to sendiong out those than you cards!

Ring her - my family do the text thing ALL the time and it drives me INSANE!!!!

Seems a bit weird though what she is doing...

wedding is october 20th.

i know she is deliberatley not replying to the invite.i am scatty and disorganised wheras she is super-organised(she works 9-5 and doesnt have children).

ive just remembered shes going on holiday tomorrow and i was meant to send her birthday card before she went.

i could ring her on her mobile when shes there.

i just think she should have replied.she probably doesnt think its important as it's only her little sisters silly wedding.

may be something going on - don't jump to conclusions. she's being friendly when she sees you, just not responding to texts. maybe there's a problem with her phone, and assumes you know she's coming because she offered to take photos. none of my family responded to my wedding invitation - they assumed i'd know that they would be there.

best thing is to phone and sort out any misunderstandings. don't text anymore.

theres nothing wrong with her phone,i know that.i did assume she was coming untill my mum kept asking if i'd heard from her then said that she wasnt coming.

i could understand her changing her mind but even if she just cant be bothered coming she could have said she couldnt get the friday off work or something.

she always used to be the first to complain about the family tradition of talking behind each others backs then being all polite and nicey-nicey to each others faces.so why has she told my mum and not me?

give her a quick ring

erm, at christmas you were 7months pregnant? our kids didnt write thank you letters? and she hasnt seen you for months because of htis?

what sort of crappy sister isnt there teaching her nieces/nephews how to wite thank you letters when her sister, there mother is so heavily pregnant? and why isnt she crooning over the new baby?

sorry, i need to get some sleepnow. my late night, thoughtlessopinone

Why on earth is she expecting a pg mother of 3 to get her kids to write thank you letters? Why on earth make such a big deal about it? My friends and family forget to send dc cards at times and I always think the best of them, ie that they love the dc but they forgot. I would neve hold it against them and personally have never written a thank you letter for anything. I just say "thank you". She is your sister for gods sake, why all the etiquette?

She has told you she is comeing to the wedding and has offered to take photos. Why is she now telling your mother she isn't coming and hasn't even bothered to call you?

I am sorry but she sounds rude and high maintenance. I would feel exactly the same as you. My family are the same, nice to your face and gossip behind your back and it has driven me mad for years. I now don't speak to most of them and never been happier.

I personally find texting and email is a great way of communicating - it works well for me and my friends, who all have busy lives, and enables us to respond or get in touch at a convenient moment. It's also cheaper.

I think she is playing you and trying to control you and I would step out of it and let her do as she pleases.

I agree with Pages. I think she is totally unreasonable falling out about thank you cards - pretty lame if you ask me! I can tell you now that many people with no children do not understand what it is like to have children and have other things going on. You have to divide yourself up between 4 other people (3 dc and 1 dp) and also have yourself to look after. In addition, you have a new baby. Sod it. How pathetic for her to behave this way. Rise above it and phone her. I can't believe how ridiculous she is being. There you go - my lecture for the day!

Very passive aggressive not to reply or to use ignoring as a way to show your feelings. Ring her and put her on the spot.

As for thank you letters - maybe I am incredibly bad mannered but who the hell writes those these days anyway. Only time I ever do it is if I see an immense amount of thought and effort has gone in to a gift and then I would send a Thank You card. As for forgetting the birthday card. Big Deal. My family have held me to ransom for years over cards of any description to the point that I went out slipping around in the snow and ice at nearly 9 months pregnant to post one to make sure it arrived on time - ridiculous.

Your wedding is of course very special and should not be overshadowed by petulance from relatives. Ring her so you know one way or the other what is going on. My Mother behaved like a complete ase around the time of my sisters wedding and actually have wedding photos during which she made no effort to disguise her dislike of my sister to prove it. Probably pissed off at not being the centre of attention. Anyway don t know your sister so sure that is not the case in this instance but the point is you should not be having to think about this at such a special time and is very selfish of her not to realise this and put you first.

from where im standing this doesnt look like it is simply about thankyou letters...but you prob know that deep down.

the reason i say that, is because my sister and i have just started the long process of getting back on track after five or so years of the nonsense you describe...the longer you leave it to patch things up the more you wil beimplicted in its 'cause'...

after years of bitterness even the slightest indiscretion became a stick she could hit me with...and my subsequent decision to ignore her behaviour and pretend there was nothing wrong made her up the anti ...

the cheesy message is we BOTH suffered

id phone her...and be honest (but not cross if you can help it)

I would presume she was comming if she hadnt' replies, but that's just how my family works. You need to phone and ask her, so you can move on.

Enjoy your wedding!