Have I made the right decision leaving my boyfriend?

[keetee3]

Will I ever feel a ‘romantic interest’?

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I didn’t feel any sort of excitement or ‘spark ‘ / romantic interest anymore.We got together when we was 16 and was each-overs first for everything and it was amazing at the start and I thought the relationship would always last. However we’re both now 18 and I know the honeymoon period definitely ended however we both accepted this and the relationship was still good and we’ve had so many amazing memories .

however for the past few moths there just hasn’t been any sort of spark or excitement on my side at all. I don’t get exited when we’re together/going out but I do when I’m going out/seeing my family/friends. When we do things what are supposed to be ‘fun’ I just don’t don’t really get that much joy out of it anymore.i can’t flirt with him at all and I’ve tried multiple times but it’s just not something what happens anymore and he really hates that I can’t.We used to have an amazing sex life but for the past few months I never want to have sex with him and I feel guilty when he wants to but I never seem to be in the mood . However sometimes I have it because he wants to or on the occasional when I’ve wanted to and I do enjoy it during.I basically feel like he is more of my bestfriend and not my boyfriend.

However I hate feeling like this as I love and care for him so much . He is such an amazing person he’s kind , caring , loyal , supportive , attractive , funny and we get along so well and I’m scared there will never be anyone as good as him again but there just isn’t that spark there used to be.

However since breaking up he has told me he thinks it’s just the type of person I am and that I’m just not very affectionate/enthusiastic person so that any relationship I will be in I will always feel like this. I’ve asked my friends about this and they said that this isn’t true and I obviously just love him as a friend and I’m just not romantically interested in him and that one day I’ll be in a relationship where I feel will excitement/sparks as they said they still feel it in their 3&2 year relationships.However I can’t stop thinking wether he is right and if this is just the type of person I am and no matter who I’m with I’m never going to feel a romantic interest / excitement after the honeymoon period.But I don’t want to regret leaving him if this is who I am and if every relationship is going to feel like this as I do believe I love him and he is literally as close to perfect as you could get and our relationship was great before I started to have these thoughts.

But I’ve never had another relationship before so i have nothing to compare it with to see if I will feel like this in every relationship which is why it’s really confusing but I just don’t want to waste my teenage years with someone who I’m not going to be with forever.

Thanks for any replies

You're 18. Of course you're not going to be with him forever! Stop listening to his hurt feelings and just do you.

He may be a great person, but that doesn't mean he's the person for you. You know the relationship needs to end, so stop trying to talk yourself out of ending it. Time to move on.

You have all the time in the world to find someone who excites you. It's rare for the first proper boyfriend to be the lifelong partner and you've just outgrown the relationship.

Well some people really enjoy the whole flirting/early dating stage and then get bored once in a settled relationship. Other people hate the former and only feel and real connection during the latter phase when they think that the person isn’t likely to reject them anymore. Some people feel exciting both short and longer term. You’re not going to be able to tell what you’re like based on one relationship.

It sounds like you are taking a very responsible attitude towards the end of your relationship in considering whether you should stay despite the loss of the spark between you and your partner and whether there is something about your expectations which is unrealistic. But your expectations are completely right and fair. You certainly should not be considering settling, and that is what you are describing.

You are 18 years old. Your first relationship will very rarely be your last. And that's a good thing. You still have so much to learn about life and about yourself, including what you want out of life and relationships, and it is usually a mistake to commit yourself too early to one person because it will generally restrict your ability to grow and discover these things. Just occasionally couples do get together in their teens and are able to grow and develop together for life but I think that's pretty rare. I don't know how often you visit MN relationship threads but I have noticed that many of the posters who report serious problems in their marriages (sometimes, but not always, including domestic abuse) share that they settled down very young with the partner who is now causing them such pain and suffering.

It is true that as relationships pan out and settle down into routine, the excitement and exhilaration of the early days can fade, particularly when you have the day to day routine of work/children etc, but in the right relationship, there will still be a strong sense of connection and interest in your partner underpinning it all and a strong sense that you would rather live that life with your partner than with anyone else. That is why it is particularly important that you are certain that you are with the right partner before you make those commitments – and it is much easier to be certain if you have lived a bit before settling down.

And you have plenty of time. Most of my friends met their partners during their 20s and 30s - I was nearly 30 when I met my partner and so much better placed to know what I wanted and what was right for me and what wasn't.

Go on a girls holiday and have a life without men for a few year b4 u know it u have kids and a miserable husband

Go on a girls holiday and have a life without men for a few year b4 u know it u have kids and a miserable husband

This doesn't have to be true btw OP!! Bloody hell, it's ok to be single if you're not with someone who makes you happy. You don't have to resign yourself to a miserable life before you've even started it...!