Body shaming - Follow up

[littlebirdieblue]

Body shaming www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3824240-body-shaming

So here I am again after my horrible experience I posted about in the above post. I'm posting again as tonight I'm going on a 2nd date with a man I met OLD, our first date was last week, a coffee date that then turned into a lunch date. He seems lovely and I'm excited to meet him again tonight, but I'm so nervous!! He's really into keeping fit and healthy and although I know I shouldn't let what happened with the last guy affect me, it really has and I'm worrying about what this new guy will think about my tummy, even though we are way off even getting to that stage! How can I stop feeling like this??

Its a difficult one, my DH is body obsessed but in general it is really the exception rather than the rule. Most will say confidence is the most attractive thing and if they are worried about anything it is their own bodies and performance.
To be honest, generally people don't tend to hide the bodies well so I would say he will have a fairly good idea what to expect. So if you are say a size 16 I don't think he will be expecting a size 8 in the sack ! Just enjoy it and try to forget about that absolute douche you went out with previously

You can’t stop feeling like It I think.

You just need to be able to trust him before you do the deed.

Invite him to play a little game I like to call "Celebrity Fantasy Frankenstein"

"If you could pick one celebrity as your ideal physical form, and a different one as your ideal personality, who would they be? Living or dead?"

EG - "My physical ideal would be Johnny Depp/Chris Evans/Idris Elba, but with the personality of Sir Patrick Stewart/Neil Gaiman/Isaac Asimov."

If he names someone slim as his physical ideal, then that gives you an opening to dig further, e.g.

"Oh wow, yeah she has a great body. So do you think you're mainly attracted to that physical type? Or is it more about the mental connection for you?"

HINT: If he can't readily name someone whose personality he finds attractive, I'd be getting rid as a shallow twat. Even if he says "honestly if I could find a woman like my mum" at least that shows some sort of emotional self awareness.

Hope this helps. I saw your previous thread but didn't post. I'm a size 16 with bingo wings and a big old mum tum. Over the past few years I've gone from being pathetically grateful to anyone who's been remotely interested, to picking and choosing and turning down 90% of chancers.

Believe me I'm in no position to preach because I have zero body confidence.. which impacts my mood, social life (lack of) & relationships (again lack of)! But it really all has to come from working on yourself.. don't ask me how to do that I wish I bloody knew.. but I did have a little lightbulb moment last night watching How to look good Naked with Gok Wan on Really & looking at one of the participants I thought I reckon I'm a similar size & shape to her & im not to tiniest bit repulsed by her body so why am I utterly miserable about mine!! In fact I thought she was beautiful, shapely & feminine as did lots of strangers.. the hurdle to being more self confident lies in our own minds..

Having only been intimate with 2 men in the last 11 years since my divorce I find Vodka helps along with good low lighting & hanging a robe very close to the bed so I never have to be seen naked