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Original poster

Is this adultery?

11 replies

Louise000000 · 05/03/2020 08:05

My husband and I separated last summer and have been living separately this year.
He has been speaking to lawyers and is saying if I start dating someone now he will push for the divorce on the grounds of adultery and make sure I need to cover all the costs because of this.
Will seek my own legal advice but is this true?

OP posts:
DDIJ · 05/03/2020 08:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

asomodai · 05/03/2020 08:26

You need to have been separated for 2 years in the eyes of english law to not have committed adultery. However if you decide to have a same sex relationship with someone then that is not considered adultery funnily enough.

opticaldelusion · 05/03/2020 08:31

Get in there first and divorce him for his unreasonable behaviour. I'm sure you can think of three instances. So just go back with that.. 'You try to divorce me for adultery and I'll petition for unreasonable behaviour which will be far easier to prove.'

Lllot5 · 05/03/2020 08:35

Well it is adultery all the time you’re still married. But as pp have said it’s almost impossible to prove. Sounds like he’s trying to control the process. See what your solicitor advises and get it done ASAP

stuckinthemiddlewithtwats · 05/03/2020 09:01

My exh threatened me with this too. He went as far as saying me going on a date was adultery (I didn't even go on a date), despite him being in a relationship with someone within a couple of weeks of us deciding to split 🙄.
He needs proof that you have committed adultery, but yes he can shift the costs to you in some cases if he can prove you 'cheated'.

Double3xposure · 05/03/2020 09:03

I thought we had no fault divorce ? How can you “ shift the costs “ to the other party if you can prove something ?

Original poster
Louise000000 · 05/03/2020 09:15

I left him because of his continuous addiction to weed and the problems it has cost over the years, I'm seeing habitual drug use as a reason also.
I am seeing a new person very discreetly for now so am I going to have to keep this private before divorce is final? Do that's for the next 2 years then?

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 05/03/2020 10:10

The reason to end a marriage is 'irreconcilably differences' so if you are with someone else he can use that as a indicator the relationship is over. Reasons for a marriage breakdown are no longer used to assign costs.

You can't have a no fault divorce until you have been separated for two years. So one of you will file against the other usually one grounds of unreasonable behaviour. But costs are generally split equally between you.

Get a solicitor and get an hour of advice before deciding how to proceed.

LangSpartacusCleg · 05/03/2020 10:25

I am 98% certain that adultery has no bearing on divorce costs in the uk.

But check with your own lawyer.

He sounds like a man who is trying to threaten, intimidate and control you because you are no longer doing what you are told.

Do whatever you want but be discreet because he sounds like he will try to cause trouble no matter what.

Rebmethewrongway · 05/03/2020 10:26

i’m not 100% sure but i think there needs to be definite proof and he obviously can’t get that

millymollymoomoo · 05/03/2020 12:34

Why wait 2 years? Use unreasonable behaviour
The petitioner would usually pays the costs but could I believe put in a claim for the other party to which ultimately courts could award

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