Posting For Traffic- Help Me

[BearRabbitPants]

How do I "Get My Ducks In A Row" please.
I can't do this anymore...

You need to provide more information.

Can,t do what? Why? Were not mind readers.

I think she means to leave her partner after having enough

I feel so upset it's so long winded.

I just don't think I can be in my relationship anymore. Married, 2 children, one is 4 one is 1YO.
Mortgaged house with 2nd charge mortgage, multiple credit cards in his name and my name
(due to building a house for the past year)
House is in good livable condition now. Probably worth considerably more than what we paid, even though it's not 100% finished.

Husband suffers anger issues that I can no longer cope with. I have tried to help, things escalated last September resulting in me calling police and leaving with children. I went back, CPS charged him even though I withdrew statement. It went to court but because I stood by him, he had no previous etc, nothing came of it.
Things excellent for a while but slowly the mask has slipped and I just can't live my life like this Anymore. It's not fair on my beautiful children. They deserve more. X

Please explain what you need help with? Whats your situation? Hope you are ok

@june2007 no need to be so aggressive this is my LIFE here. Not heard about Caroline Flack no? Be kind !

Cross post there @BearRabbitPants, so do you want to leave because of his anger issues, or because of the fact you think your marriage has come to an end? What I'm trying to get at, would he consider counselling / therapy for his anger which would make your relationship better again. Or do you want to leave anyway? Sending

Paperwork or online equivalent. All financial info, mortgage, bank accounts, credit cards loans etc. Make copies. There are others on here far more knowledgeable about this who can give more ideas but that's where I'd start.

@Elizadoeslittle19 I would be over the moon If he had counselling & sorted his issues but he never sticks with any counsellor . Says they're the wrong one, personality differences etc and never sees it through. He had to attend anger management through the court it was part of his conditions and I actually thought for a while it had worked but as stated before the mask has slipped and he's gone back to how he was. I'm devastated as I prayed he would changed but it's been 7 years and if he can't control his temper now he never will.

Have you had a chat to Women's Aid? That is a good first step.

Well done. I know this isn't easy but your life will get better for leaving and you will be setting your children up for a better future.

Maybe ask MN to move this to relationships. You'll get a lot of good advice and lots of people ready to hold your hand through this.

That's not anger issues, it's domestic violence. If they were genuine anger issues and he genuinely lost control of his temper he wouldn't have been able to control himself in order to mask anything these last few months. It's a choice he makes.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

Looked at the Freedom Programme?

Do you feel you're in danger, op, would he kick
off if he thought you were planing to leave?

Have you got family or friends nearby?

Abusive men very rarely change......and things only get worse over time. Don't let your children grow up in this environment. I got out of my abusive marriage and am beginning to pick up the pieces of my life/get divorced. Things are tough but much better without the stress of his unpredictability. Be strong op you can do this

Firstly, I suggest you post on the relationships board as you'll get some excellent advice and support there.

You need to make plans to leave. Get your important documents, birth certificates, bank statements, passports etc, and hide them away from the house were you can get them and he can't (your parents house maybe?)
Get legal advice. Speak to women's aid.

If you report you thread to MN @BearRabbitPants they will move it to relationships. I can do it too if it helps.

He will not change. So forget that scenario. Do you have family nearby? Can you afford to go see a solicitor? That would be a great starting point. Also ring women’s aid as suggests.

Freedom project would be great to do once you are out of there.

And you can get a free half hour consultation at most solicitors

Thank you for your messages. The birth certificates and passports are in the safe. I'll have to try and see if I can get hold of the key.

I am frightened of him. And I know he frightens my children and IM NOT having it. My beautiful babies deserve more. I love him but I love my children more. They will not grow up in the environment whereby they have to be scared when the next "blow up" will be.

The things he's said to me tonight are unforgivable. He's tried to turn everything around on me and blame me. All I do is support him, love him, wait on him fucking hand and foot. I'm like his personal slave. Tonight I tried to diffuse the situation so he'd stop going "off on one" but he blew his lid. He then left me to do all bedtime duties with the children. Then once they were asleep I tried to talk to him and he blows his lid again blaming me saying it's all my fault why he is the way he is and expecting me to "put up and shut up" and "leave him alone" ... I'm actually beyond words.

Ok I'll try to move the most thank you for the advice

Hi there OP, we'll move this to Relationships for you now.

Thank you Mumsnet I couldn't work out how to do it myself.

Op if you are anything like me you will have forgotten some of his most vile behaviour in your desperate attempts to keep your sanity and stop his behaviour. I fled to a refuge last June after he did similar and minimised it and gaslighted me. He refused to discuss it or take responsibility and I had had enough (took 14 years). I am now writing down some of his behaviours and the list is long and abhorrent. You can and should leave this man. Take your children to a refuge if you have nowhere else. You will have a life on the other side

Thing that's most heartbreaking is he can be a wonderful person. But he has massive issues that he will not face and will not seek help for. His anger is out of control. Even down to road rage. He has no respect for the law... he blames me for everything but once he's calm and "sorry" he says it's all him and I've done nothing wrong and he's sorry and the angry outbursts won't happen again. But they do. Even after I stood by him in court after he pushed me out of my front door in the rain whilst my children were in the bath! Bruised my arm, was absolutely vile, threatened to smash my face in, I stood by him and begged the judge not to prosecute. Because he promised he'd change and get help.

I'm devastated.

So sorry OP. Please contact Women's Aid as soon as you can. You should also contact the police, explain the background and the previous court case, and tell them that you are scared of him and wanting to leave. Get it logged so that they are ready to intervene if necessary. Good luck. Stay strong and hold on to your anger.

I agree it is heartbreaking and I wanted to help my dh and begged him to deal with his trauma and issues but he couldn't/wouldn't. Then I realise he was choosing to abuse me - he didn't do it to his boss or friends - he could contain his rage then. He was using his anger to bully and control me to make me do what he wanted. And I decided I couldn't live like that any longer.
You will shift from this sadness into anger and regret that you didn't leave sooner.

I really don't want to involve the police. Because they are so hot on domestic abuse that they will take him in and I don't want that again.

Saddest thing is, if I won enough money to escape tomorrow I'd pay my debts, buy a little car nothing flash, a nice little house with pretty garden and move with my beautiful children . I'd let him keep "his house" as he refers to it (even though it's jointly owned and we're married!!!) and get the hell away from him.