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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I deal with this!

24 replies

Motherofeight · 04/03/2020 17:43

My partner of 4 years went away for a week on a family visit. Whilst on this visit, a family get together was arranged at the parents house. Included in the family get together was the ex who by all accounts is still friendly with the parents. To cut a long story short, my partner and ex, ended up sleeping in the same bedroom and in the same double bed that night despite the ex having another room prepared. I was not informed of any of this and only found out when I had suspicions. I was first told that they slept in separate rooms. My suspicions and paranoia knew that there was something more to this and I snooped in on a conversation they had been having on a chat site for quite some time which alarmed me. I was enraged with jealosy and hurt and at 4 in the morning texted the ex from my partners phone " M knows we slept together" The response was " "who has said something?" The next day I confronted my partner who then admitted that they had indeed slept together but were fully clothed. My partner also said that they went to bed in separate rooms but my partner awoke in the morning to find the ex asleep in the bed as well.needless to say a lot of alcohol had been consumed. I have been told that nothing happened and I have to believe that it didnt for my own sanity. On a break, about a year ago, they actually did sleep together. My mind is going crazy and I am struggling to deal with it. I need good strong advice apart from LTB which I guess will be the stock response.

OP posts:
Winterlife · 04/03/2020 17:48

Your choice obviously, but he would become my ex in these circumstances.

WinterCat · 04/03/2020 17:48

I’m sorry, that must have been painful to find out. Do you want the relationship to continue? Do you think your partner wants it to or wishes to be in a relationship with their ex?

Convict225 · 04/03/2020 17:53

He has history with this woman. He also has a present. Maybe a future.
How does knowing he ‘slept’ with her make you feel?
Do you think he will do this again? How would that make you feel?
Can you continue your relationship with those feelings?

Princessfaffalot · 04/03/2020 17:54

Absolutely no way could I forgive this.

Tulip1011 · 04/03/2020 17:55

Have you checked with the ex what her story is? This sounds really disrespectful even if they didn’t sleep together and you should not tolerate this or you will face the same disrespect again. Walk away.. if he begs and begs and everyone involved agrees they were pissed and nothing happened and you believe them then consider reconciliation only after you had enough time to make a decent point. In that time you might find someone who has a greater respect for you and wouldn’t even consider getting into that situation. Perhaps “he’s just not that into you”

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/03/2020 17:55

Oh come on OP. You know full well they had sex and in fact your sanity will be improved once you stop believing the lies.

Windmillwhirl · 04/03/2020 17:57

Unforgivable. I'm really sorry. Why didn't thecex respond with 'but nothing happened'. Of course stuff happened.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/03/2020 18:00

Take the blinders off and move on. You are in second place.

OhCaptain · 04/03/2020 18:01

I mean...what do you want people to say?

Nobody is going to tell you to stay with someone who so very obviously shagged his ex!

inasituation87 · 04/03/2020 18:02

I woundnt Believe Jim one bit . He would be gone x

FromTheEarth · 04/03/2020 18:02

Clearly you dont want to be told to LTB but I can't think of anything else to say.

If this isn't enough to make you walk away from this man, what would be?

inasituation87 · 04/03/2020 18:02

Him not Jim lol x

Rosalo · 04/03/2020 18:05

They slept together.

That's all you need to know in this situation. Move on, and don't look back

Kerning · 04/03/2020 18:05

Of course they had sex. You know it. Why do you have to believe they didn't?

Notcoolmum · 04/03/2020 18:05

The term 'slept together' definitely implies sex. Not sharing a bed. You know that.

conduitoffortune · 04/03/2020 18:08

What did he say when you told him to pack his bags and leave immediately?

NoMoreDickheads · 04/03/2020 18:08

'On a break, about a year ago, they actually did sleep together. '

So he has form for shagging her then, so it's even more highly likely that he did this time too.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 04/03/2020 18:11

At best - He slept with her while you were on a break, and didn't have enough respect for you to not share a bed with her a year later? He sounds like a dirty liar.

Nameisthegame · 04/03/2020 18:13

My ex said that calling our friend a dirty little cum slut was a joke between friends...I wouldn’t believe him...she said slept together not a shared a bed...

AnyFucker · 04/03/2020 18:17

They have shagged

You are an absolute mug if you try to convince yourself anything different

mamato3lads · 04/03/2020 22:05

@AnyFucker

Couldn't put it any better myself.

OP, fuck him OFF.

Avocadohips · 04/03/2020 22:12

I'm sorry Flowers

My partner also said that they went to bed in separate rooms but my partner awoke in the morning to find the ex asleep in the bed as well.needless to say a lot of alcohol had been consumed.

This is utter BS.

He's already lied to you that they slept in seperate rooms.

He's already shagged his ex as an ex.

Even if they didn't have sex this time, the best case scenario is that they have really poor boundaries and no respect for you.

Doggybiccys · 04/03/2020 22:18

@Motherofeight......this

Windmillwhirl
Unforgivable. I'm really sorry. Why didn't thecex respond with 'but nothing happened'

He’s having regular sex with her . Sorry.

BumbleBeee69 · 04/03/2020 22:34

You're not part of this Family OP..

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