What would you do in my position?

[Hereweareagain89]

Split with my abusive controlling ex last June after he made an attempt at isolating myself and are now 17month old DD from my family. We live in a town in which I had no support network as I only moved there at 36 weeks pregnant. He has consistently neglected dd, dropped her into coffee, left her to slide down the side of a sofa at 6 weeks, dresses her in JUST a short sleeved bodysuit on a cold November night (to go outside in the car), leaves her unattended in a bath at 9 months, calls her a p*ki, a little shit, says he’ll slap her up the list goes on.

I’ve never allowed him to have contact with her without someone else being present, for a good 6 months it was myself but after constant harassment to get back together, abuse, groping and the likes I decided I couldn’t be around him. Instead his parents started being present (5 occasions) which would have been fine but on each occasion dd was coming back hungry, freezing cold, distress and withdrawn. The behavioural issues I thought were because she missed me but they would last for 3 days at least, just either subdued or aggressive.. biting or hitting although not towards myself but her aunties and my mum. Because I had already mentioned her wellbeing to my ex before I told him for now I’d like contact to be within a contact centre until a child arrangements order is done through court, this I have applied for myself.

My issue is along with witnesses I had messages from my ex confirming he had done all of the above and more. But my phone containing all this evidence has had a fault and while the data recovery company I have sought out can retrieve the photos I have they cannot retrieve the WhatsApp messages which is where he has confessed to it all. So now I have this dilemma do I still bring up these allegations in court and risk them say it isn’t true and try and go in favour of whatever my ex says or do I still raise these concerns with just the witness statements plus photos which are just of the condition of DD? My sisters are two witnesses who are both police officers and while they think his emails, which I still have, to them are evidence enough to show how controlling he is I still worry. All I want to do is protect my daughter and while yes I would like her to have contact with her dad not if that puts her safety and well being at risk.

I do however have texts from myself to my mum, friend and sisters telling them what had been happening at the time of each incident. For example he threatened to make dd an orphan by throwing me down the stairs.

I'd throw the bloody book at him. He isn't fit to be anywhere near a baby or another human.
He's an animal OP.

Well I also had texts of him confessing to sexual assault several times against me, some I think I took screenshots of as I was trying to keep a log, but my mh to a hard hit from it all along with being a new mum that I missed so much.

I keep trying to look at it from the view of at least if I say something it can be considered and documented if I don’t them I’m just leaving dd at the mercy of my ex.

I’ve pm’d you

Tell them everything then they can decide what they believe based on the evidence you do have. I'm sure they'll get a good picture of what he's really like from what you have and what you / others say. He doesnt deserve your dd and I hope the court see that and he is ordered to stay away. Good luck

I just wanted to say how brave you are OP and what a great job you're doing in trying to protect your daughter.

You say you've recently moved, do you have any support? Have you been in contact with a domestic abuse organisation? If not, you can find your local organisation here. Another place to try for support is Victim Support.

What's going on regarding court? Do you have representation?

You need to show the evidence to a solicitor and ask their opinion. I don't know if you have a solicitor but you can find free legal advice centres here and there is information on finding free representation in court. There's also a legal aid calculator on the page.

Another organisation to try is Rights of Women. They give free legal advice.

I don't know what your circumstances are but the CABx have a witness service that may be worth checking out.

OP, I wouldn't want that horrible man within a 100 miles of my child under any circumstances.

Had to change my login.

@user765, sorry I didn’t get to see your pm, can you resend please?

Thank you all, really trying to protect my dd from her dad which is sad to say but all I can do is say and show as much evidence as possible. I have been in contact with woman’s aid thanks @12345kbm, we have an urgent first hearing on Tuesday which is stressing my out and he has also made a prohibited steps order against me moving 15 miles from my current address, I’m not intending on leaving as I have a very good support system here but apparently I’m moving to Dorset. But yes I’m away from him now, have been since June 2019 but I supervised all contact up until December and then just couldn’t handle the abuse anymore. I thought having my sisters present some of the time would get him on his best behaviour but it never helped.

I’ve pm’d you again. My ex also applied for an order against me based on lies and nonsense and the court did not give it the light of day, other than to strongly advise him to withdraw it (they can’t order you to withdraw it) on the basis that it would get him nowhere. It actually totally backfired on him in the end. X

Have you tried your SIM card in another phone? My what’s app backs up to the server and whenever I install the app on a new phone it retrieves all previous messages.

Thanks @user765 just replied. And I don’t know, I left his property (everything was under his name) and returned to my hometown some 50 miles away after he threatened to throw me down the stairs. Wasn’t about to ask him if I could take dd with me. I didn’t drive either and no one I could run to. So the judge say ok you removed dd without asking his permission but I do have the message I sent my mum telling her what had happened.. so will hopefully help.

@Thanosthenutsack no unfortunately sim went with the phone. Hopefully the messages I have to other family members saying what was happening along with my witnesses to will help them see what really happened.

Mention anything that'll help in court (this all will.) Of course he'll deny anything he can, but there's no harm in mentioning it. State your case as much as possible and this will all add to it.

If you put this all down in a witness statement with a statement of truth at the end (it should say “I believe the facts stated in this witness statement are true”), that is evidence. I suggest you do that. Put as much detail as you can remember about the events. You don’t need to include every incident - just the main examples to give a flavour of what has gone on. Make sure you include information on how he has treated your DD. If you have ever called the police on him mention that too. Bear in mind that he may be allowed to cross-examine you on this evidence with questions designed to trip you up but that will be a further opportunity to convey to the judge how badly he has behaved. This man is dangerous to your DD and his family evidently cannot protect her so you know you have to keep him away from her. His behaviour in court may well show him up for the nasty piece of work he is. Good luck.

Have you seen a solicitor to check this all through with them?

Tell the court everything at the start. If you don’t you won’t be able to say it later as you’ll give the impression you are lying. Just be up front and open. You will speak to CAFCASS before court. Tell them everything. Write a list and have it handy for when they call.