DM drinking

[honeyytoast]

Mum used to be an alcoholic, has been fully recovered for the last 2/3 years. (I’m 19 and at home btw)

Just been downstairs and I can tell she’s had a drink. First time I’m aware of in years. Children of alcoholics, you just know, don’t you? It’s a look in the eye, their voice changes, and their face looks different and alien.

It stirs up such a deep seated feeling of hatred and anger automatically. I wonder why because she’s not done anything wrong - she’s not arguing with anyone, breaking things, all the things she used to at the worst of her addiction (2000s/early 2010s). So why do I mind? Why is the knee jerk response being angry and feeling like I want to cry?

It’s just the way her face changes that I hate. It feels like I’m not looking at my own mum. Being in late teens I’ve obviously been around drunk people a lot, and yet I’ve only ever had this feeling with my mother

Sorry, I just needed to get this out somewhere

I can really relate to this OP. My mum is similar, she’s gone over a year with out drink before and has gone back to it numerous times. You can tell straight away when they’ve had a drink even if they’re not actually drunk.
I guess even when they’re drunk and not doing anything, it just reminds you of all the hurtful things they’ve done in the past whilst being drunk! You feel so frustrated as you just can’t under that why after all the effort they put in to getting sober they’d go back to it. My mums issue is that she wants to be ‘normal’ so that she can enjoy a casual drink in the evening as others do so she thinks she’s okay and that she won’t take it too far. She always does

It’s so hard for people that haven’t been through it to understand. Is there any way you could move out any time soon? I am currently back at my parents temporarily after splitting up with my partner but my relationship with my parents was much better when I wasn’t here x

I can relate. Like pp said it’s a reminder of what has happened and I guess a disappointment that she’s done it again and feeling upset for her that she will be disappointed at doing it again.

Can you speak to her tomorrow and tell her you know she’s been drinking and to get booked into the gp

I’m so sorry you are going through this. At your age, drinking socially generally comes with a lot of care free fun. With your DM you are seeing alcoholic drinking, which is something very “other”. Please remember: you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it and you can’t Cure it. Did she have help to stop last time, maybe a sponsor at AA you could encourage her to contact again? I’m not surprised you are feeling angry and upset, that is a very natural response. Would you consider contacting Alanon and/or Nacoa who could give you some support? Nacoa, particularly, is aimed at children of alcoholics. First and foremost, look after yourself. I have recently left my alcoholic husband and find that talking to someone who really understands alcoholism and the unique chaos that that causes in the life of family members has been extremely important. Very best of luck

honeyytoast

Your mother is still very much an alcoholic and has remained so.

What AFitofTheVapours wrote here. You can only help your own self ultimately so please consider getting some support from the likes of Al-anon, NACOA or Al-ateen for your own self.

Sadly you cannot help your mother regarding her alcoholism, she has to want to help her own self here. Where are the rest of your family here; your dad for instance?. I ask only as he has not been mentioned.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

There are two organisations you might find helpful. One is Nacoa which has a free helpline: 0800 358 3456. Perhaps you can give them a ring and get some support and advice.

Another organisation is Al Anon which is for the family and friends of alcoholics. They also have a helpline: 0800 0086 811 10 am - 10 pm every day.

I really suggest you reach out for support OP as being the adult child of an alcoholic can affect you for life. It's natural to feel angry at her and there are people who understand.

I completely understand
💐
Also the (adult) child of an alcoholic.