Listening to your gut when you suspect an affair

[CallMeOnMyCell]

I suspect my DP is having an affair but I don’t have any sort of gut feeling that he is. This probably doesn’t make much sense but the first time he cheated (6 years ago now), I just ‘knew’ something was off and I checked his phone and found the messages etc.
I’ve recently noticed my DP is holding is screen away when messaging on WhatsApp and often he’s smiling at messages but probably doesn’t realise he is. He only does this when he thinks I’m not paying attention or is sitting away from me so I can’t wee his screen.
He’s also just installed fingerprint I.D to his WhatsApp which I noticed last night.
I don’t know his passcode to his phone but even if I did I can’t now view his messages.
This time round I don’t have the same gut feeling something is wrong (other than noticing he is secretive with his phone) but I’m wondering if I’m just in denial.
We are engaged and have a beautiful 2 year old DD, I don’t want to rip our world apart without proof.
I know I should have left him 6 years ago

*see not wee FFS!

What happened after he cheated last time? Did he agree open access to his phone etc? Why don't you just ask him to see his phone? If he won't let you then that's your answer unfortunately

Ask him why he has installed the fingerprint and that you want to see his phone now. Given his past behaviour he can't get annoyed for you not trusting him.

I asked my ex if I could see his phone, he let me, after he took it to the toilet and deleted all the messages from a woman at work. I believed him when he said he wasn't having an affair but it niggled and he never told me what the messages said (logs showed there had been messages, he forgot to delete the logs and admitted he'd deleted the messages).

Trust that he is up to something with his phone. They often are when they behave this way.

Thanks for your replies.
To be honest the first time he cheated I was so shocked and upset and I forgave way too easily. We had hysterical bonding and the pick me dance etc.
It took me a long time to trust him again but the same signs are there again now.
I will ask him outright why he’s added the fingerprint I.D, seems over the top.

Noticing the change in phone usage IS your gut, your instincts telling you something is off.

TBH you don't even need him to be cheating again this time. The fact that you've spent 6 years having to be alert to it just in case, shows just how damaging his behaviour was last time and that you never really get over it.

Personally I'd be saying (to myself as much as to him) that you haven't really got over what happened before, so regardless of whether he's actually cheating, preparing to cheat, or just happens to have a very amusing friend he wants to keep secret on Whatsapp, this relationship isn't good for your mental health and you need to step away.

It may feel like ripping your world apart now, but what you're actually doing is building it again on a more solid foundation for you and your DD, rather than having it perched precariously in the hands of someone untrustworthy.

One thing I found was that when an affair had newly started, there were far more clues and eventually I cottoned on what was going on. But then when the affair was longer standing there were fewer clues as the sense of excitement that surrounded him was missing.

If your husband has only just changed his password, then it does seem likely something has only just started to happen. It's so awful when they betray you twice - absolutely unforgivable.

His installation of fingerprint ID is troubling.

Transparency on devices is a standard requirement for affair recovery. After his previous abuse of your trust, you should know his password and have open access.

Speak to him and don’t allow him to block you by accusing you of paranoia, etc.

Ask to borrow his phone for a minute because yours is out of charge his reaction will tell you all you need x

Why ask about the password? Just tell him you need to see his phone.
However - if you are right - then you’ll have a choice to make

He’s not added the finger print id to hide messages from his mates group chat op. It is something that he doesn’t want you to see and it sounds like he may think you are suspicious already if he’s added it as a separate entity to his passcode.

Are you able to get on it at all? Maybe sneak a peek at his passcode or something or make an excuse why you need to unlock it (maybe you need to borrow some money and need to transfer from his bank app?) so you can add your own finger on there?

Most people will say ask him outright but I’d be trying to get on it secretly so you can see exactly what it is he is hiding before he has a chance to delete anything and minimise the damage

Thanks everyone for your wise advice.

@heartburn888 I agree that’s what I want to do, if I confront with no evidence then he will deny, delete everything and be more careful if there is something going on.
I feel like I’m going crazy and have even googled private detectives

You're not going crazy , your gut is rarely wrong. Plus you forgave last time....he got away with it , and easily. Nothing to stop.him.or scare him into not doing it again

I've seen this on here 100 times. One way forward is to deliberately let your phone die, then casually to say

Can I use your phone a sec ?
"Why?"
Oh just need to check something

His reaction should speak volumes

Good.luck

Ps.
Check internet history if you get a chance too, often reveals a hell of a lot x

You need to decide whether it’s ok for uncertainty, insecurity and suspicion to be your “normal” because this is what it’ll always be like if you stay with him, irrespective of whether he’s tomcatting again or not. That’s probably the bigger question than whether he’s seeing someone else right now.