OLD help me calm the f*** down

[Worried2987]

Ok. So I've been stepping into old. Had a few chats with men on an app and had the usual creeps, got scared or too emotional types. One guy I've been messaging a lot just seems a good option.
I feel that I'm becoming overly attached already and we haven't met yet. The messaging is mutual eg i'm not always the one initiating the chat. We have arranged to meet but not set a venue (and to be fair I did the asking here).
I need words of advice to stop me getting too excited by this "virtual" man
He seems "normal" and theres been no pervy stuff. But think I'm just a bit vulnerable at the moment.
For context been split with ex 14 month dont want him back and he's with someone else (but he keeps messaging me saying he made a mistake) so that's not really helping me at the moment.
Cant block him as we have a child but I've muted his messages.
Argh! I'm worried that I'm going to sound desperate (I am a bit) and he'll run away

You haven’t met and he didn’t even suggest a date.

This is fantasy! It doesn’t mean it won’t get real but there are a few billion other men in the world, he’s not the only one, don’t lose your head. Go out, talk to other people, watch tv, and put your phone down for a bit.

You don’t sound ready for the world of OLD if I’m honest, it can be a brutal place at the best of times!

Until you have met someone then try not to build a fantasy image of the person, just be casual and go out for a coffee with them. No pressure or expectations.

If it helps I have been online dating on and off for around 3 years, been brutally physically hurt by one man.

Mentally connected with probably 8 others in the way you describe, and have had 2 short less than 3 month relationships from the entire thing. The likelihood it will go past date 2 or the sex bit is slim. So force yourself not to get attached and just enjoy the ride for the superficial joy it is right now. You need the hide of a rhino.

Realistically it usually takes more chatting and dates than you can count and months of thinking you have met someone only for it to end in tears to finally meet someone. It took me years on OLD and from reading the threads on here this is normal.

Perseverance, resilience and keeping a level-head is key to OLD. Imagine each person you chat to could equally be a serial-killer as 'the one' and you will start to realise how much you:

1. need to use caution (meet publically only briefly and have a way to leave alone)
2. take things slowly!

I've had plenty of on line 'attraction' with several guy on OLD - with absolutely zero attraction when we met.

Remember, this guy will be talking to several other women. Him not suggesting a date is probably because he has others lined up and needs to get them out of the way first. You are in a line.

What you need to do is get your own line.

It really is that cut throat. I don't agree with how OLD works but it's the way it is.

Some people never even intend to come off OLD ... they think the next date will always be better than the last. Kid in a candy shop mentality.

One guy I've been messaging a lot just seems a good option

It's not like picking a puppy - you're not picking a person to date, you're connecting with people who might have the potential to date.

The genuine people who are on OLD to meet 'the one' and are actually suitable for you will be far, far outnumbered by the players, the people who don't have any intention of meeting up, the people looking for an affair or illicit fling, the people after a ONS, the people who are married and see OLD as a fun 'game' just to see what's out there, the catfishes and the total weirdos.

It's difficult to tell what category the person you're chatting to falls into, because most of the above can do a pretty convincing impersonation of 'normal human being who's interested in you' in order to get what they want from you (whether that's an ego boost through messaging, sex, money, attention, etc).

OLD is harsh and cruel.
If you still feel vulnerable then it's not for you. You are not ready yet.
But.... if you must, then plan a date asap and meet up.
The sooner you do that the sooner you find out he's not the one for you or things move on to the next date etc...
Do some detective work before meeting up.
Look him up on all social media platforms.
Never meet a stranger until you have done your homework!

@Qsandmore so sorry to hear that , i hope youreported him and he got what he deserved

Thanks ladies for the advice. Years of this is not at all appealing!!!

I'll see how this pans out but then think I might duck out of this again for a while!