Hello All, I'm a first-time poster but long-time lurker. I wanted to garner the combined wisdom of MN to work out what to do here.
It was a significant birthday of mine at the weekend and I feel very underwhelmed and somewhat hurt with how DH marked the occasion. We (Myself, DH and DC) went for a mini-break to 'celebrate'. However on the day itself, other than wishing me a happy birthday, I received nothing from DH - no card, gift, cake, or glass of anything to celebrate. I also ended up being the one to get up with the DC at 06.30 (they have just turned 2 and 4 years old), while DH stayed in bed until 09:00. By teatime it was evident that nothing was going to be forthcoming, so I asked him if he'd got me anything and he said no. He ran out of time apparently. When I said he'd known for the last year that this birthday was approaching, he got defensive and said I was expecting too much.
Now, let me say that I in no way wanted a grand gesture or expensive presents. But a small gift or at least a card. The mini-break was paid for by him as I'm out of work at the moment, but I was the one who researched it, planned and booked it. And he got to participate and enjoy it himself too. We're not big on celebrating birthdays, but not to receive anything for a milestone one makes me feel unimportant. I always make an effort for him.
I should say that in most other respects, he is a good husband and excellent father. We live abroad and have nobody to help. He works full-time and probably does more with regard to the kids than I do (he is the go-to person for the creche, paediatrician etc. although it started like that as the language here is his mother tongue. I'm fluent now, but things have just carried on as they were). I lost my job after health problems during/after pregnancy and have struggled to find another in the country we're in, despite being highly qualified (STEM doctorate). He is paying for me to attend a course to help women re-start their careers at a prestigious university here and has really helped me through this difficult period of ill health, PND and unemployment.
Even though I know all this, I still can't help feeling a bit hurt that I got nothing for my birthday. Even worse was, in the hotel restaurant that evening, the staff came out with a cake and candles. They took it a man on to the table next to us and everyone sang happy birthday to him and cheered. Made me feel even worse. DH couldn't seem to understand why. In some respects I think this is a trivial thing to get upset over and in others I think it indicates that he didn't think I was worth making the effort for. Any advice on how I move past this, please?