SIL (brothers wife) and I aren’t cut our for friendship.
I have only met her twice and it was in odd moments where things weren’t on a good note (her and my brother was disrespecting my family). I was polite and welcoming but she was quite undermining and domineering.
Ever since it’s been online chats, I often call my brother in video call and she snatched the phone away. She told him I put barriers and didn’t want to be friends but reality is she has been pushing me away and speaks to me in undermining competitive way.
I would love to find out that I’m wrong about her as I would like to be close to my brother like before but I often feel depressed as she is constantly establishing dominance in our conversation and undermining me.
I sent her a message after 6 months of speaking through my brother (rarely ever as she polices all of them), I just wanted nice small talk. As we have kids same age and it’s nice to maintain pleasant air.
Asked her how she was and how her kids were. But she sent me long message saying “I’m ur sister, please vent to me if you feel down”. Which is odd as I haven’t told her I feel down. I did few months ago and my brother knew. So he told her..
Previously I went through a rough patch and she asked me and I told her I didn’t want to discuss personal issues and she insisted I tell her so I felt cornered and answered her questions.. she then went on to compete with me on matters I dischssed with her on a later date and put me down.
So I would like to keep things friendly and pleasant but avoid intrusiveness.
She considers everything we do “intrusive”, including asking my brother about his work and his future career plans which he has always been open about.. she is way too secretive about silly things but she really expects me to open up in a manner of “I should know as I can help you”. Misplaced pitty as I have a good life but only need my brothers support .
anyway.. I would like a simple way to maintain a pleasant relationship without her feeling entitled to my private details. I do open up to my brother from time to time and I do tell him to keep it private but he doesn’t. But even if he told her, I expect it’s not an entitlement that I discuss marital issues or fertility issues and other things wirh his wife who I met twice !?
Me and my brother used to be quite close. He isn’t anymore aNd last time e spoke he told me “I feel suffocated in my marriage as I don’t feel I make any decision”. Obviously I can’t judge from one side but I do think he doesn’t get much say in the relationship.
How do I handle this?