Best to move on from him?

[Claire926]

I am on a course with a man in his 40's. There has been a spark between us and we get on well but it has gone no further. I'm starting to think now I need to move on. Today he asked how I have got on with my coursework and I said I am up to date with the work. He 'jokingly' called me a 'b**ch' as he didn't like that I am ahead. I have no problem with swearing but didn't think we were that close to be throwing insults at each other. I just sat there quiet as I was surprised he said that. Other people didn't say anything as obviously they don't need to get involved. I don't know why he thinks he can say that when I have other commitments too and have had to manage my time whilst having health issues which he does not know about.

The tutor asks for the class for their ideas and he keeps mentioning to the class 'social anxiety' in relation to the topic of the lesson. I'm starting to think he has social anxiety as he has joined meetup groups (there are some odd people at them) and Plenty of Fish dating site to meet a woman.

He also said he gets drunk a lot. Personally, I'm thinking this guy has issues and the 'b**ch' comment he made to me really got to me. I'm not saying we would even go on a date but if we did get into a relationship is that how the abuse starts with 'joking' insults.

Please can I have your thoughts. I have helped him out a few times over the course when he has asked for my help and been nice so don't see how that is being a 'b*ch'. A 'b*ch' would be someone who would let you struggle. I don't know if I am overreacting.

Lol if anything...more likely a cluster b personality disorder. Sounds like a leap I know, but looking back I noticed in relationships where one partner excuses things like derogatory comments as normal or 'just banter' it usually points to them being...not quite right. My vote would be: covert narcissist. Some come across as shy and also, it would explain the chemistry you felt. I think we mistake it for mutual like..but actually for them, it's more like a shark sizing up its next meal.

Either way, avoid him. It says a lot about who he is if 'bitch' is a throwaway comment to him.

Um. Your post is weird. You start out with 'I've met a guy who I've sparked with' then proceed to say he insults you, he joins odd hook-up sites and has a drinking problem...

You're not selling him to us.

What sort of course is this; is it an adult education type course or did your employers send you on this?.

You do not need such a man in your life and I would stop with helping him directly. And what is it re a spark?. There was never any real spark either; he saw an opportunity and honed in on you accordingly because he is predatory.

I would also have a word with your tutor re this man.

Also, how long is this course?? You can't have known him that long! Why are you even considering this as a potential relationship?

• the excused person being not quite right.

Sorry that didn't seem clear when I read it back.

Also could be an attempt at fostering closeness with you quicker. As it's got you thinking 'hmm maybe he thinks we are close enough that he can 'joke' like that'.

If you have an 'off' feeling about someone I can't imagine why you would ever think there is a prospect of some kind of relationship?
He gets drunk and thinks slinging around the term bitch in a 'jokey' fashion is ok?
Well, not for me and I suggest you don't give him another thought.
It's not for me to speculate on your self esteem, that being said, Hell woman! You deserve better than that, can't believe you are giving him head space.
Hope you get your health stuff sorted.

Thank you to you all for your advice. I think I was looking for a reason to end this dead end flirting. He can’t be interested in me if he uses POF dating site. Joker he is.

He sounds dreadful.
Really, a low quality man.
And a boozer. Lovely.

Urgh.
Move on.