Hi guys
So let me explain a little bit about my situation and hopefully you can all give me some advice and I’m open and honest and therefore happy to take both good and bad. This may we long winded so maybe some of you are having a coffee/tea when you’re reading this! :)
Me and my girlfriend of 4 and a half years split up 3 weeks ago after what seemed out of the blue to me she said she didn’t feel the same any more. I decided to initiate the ‘no contact’ rule. I did tell her at the end of our conversation that I would be doing this, I have read them dodgy websites that try and get you to pay them money for no contact advice (don’t worry I haven’t paid them for any advice!) and most say its best just to do it without saying but I said at the end of the conversation we had that I was doing it and I needed to do it because in the past when I have broken up with someone I have been THAT idiot who constantly texts, phones, turns up on doorsteps and naturally pushes them away anyway. These previous breakups were all back in my younger days so lessons have been learnt from those. I was single for a long time (9 years!) before I met her, but I know without doing no contact it may still be too easy for me to just drop texts and not fully be able to have my own head space for a while. Although I was honest with her about this being the main reason I couldn’t speak to her any more there is of course my own reasons... being able to take a breather, being able to assess what could have went wrong and what I could do to improve myself on a personal level in my future life.
Nothing serious happened for us to break up. There was no cheating, no long horrid arguments it was just a fact from her side of things that after 4 and a half years things weren’t the same. I work nights, she works days, we don’t live together and so precious time together became hard. I asked her to move in with me 18 months ago but it hadn’t happened yet for various reasons. Trying to find a house with our poor credit ratings, eventually deciding that we would move into my place but not before a lot of things were done to it... redecorating, new windows, all that sort of thing. House is in a fairly bad way more so because I have lived in it all my life, have lived in it on my own for 10 years since my parents divorced and moved on with their new partners so a lot needs/needed to be done before she was to move in. We talked about the time it would take and she was always understanding that ‘its fine, we’ll get there in the end.’
I have to be honest when typing this. As it stands I do want to get back with her one day, I do want no contact to work and I have set a timeframe of 6 months in my mind to do that. For some that may seem a long time and may seriously damage my chances as if she doesn’t get in touch at all during that time then its probably a sign she has indeed moved on. May I reiterate again that I’m not going to just sit on my hands and wait around for that 6 months to pass. I am looking at myself in the mirror every day thinking how do I improve my own life. Is the job right for me? Was it the wrong move to take it and did it affect the situation I am in now? What other areas of my life can I make myself feel better within my own mind and soul? All these are questions I am hoping to tackle in the timeframe I have set.
The main advice I want from people is hopefully based on your own experiences... have any of you ever had something similar happen? Have any of you initiated the no contact rule and has it worked for you? How long did you do it for? How long did it work for you? When the time you set yourself ran out and they still hadn’t got it touch how did you reach out to them and did it work?
The reason I personally set 6 months is that it is pretty much her birthday around the time the 6 month clock runs out so for me a silly little thing like a birthday card which says something like “Happy Birthday, lets talk soon x” is going to be my own way of reopening the shutters for a potential Hello how are you.
Again, this may seem like I am hanging on til the clock runs down but I am not. Already set myself other life goals. Still getting things done to the house, taking up driving lessons, getting in touch with old friends, getting myself a little healthier and as already mentioned looking at how the job and night work is really affecting my ability to live my best life. But this is a relationship forum so that’s why I am here, to read your advice and own experiences on how things worked out for you whether it be good or bad.
Thank you, looking forward to replies.
James x