Friends neighbour is trying to control her

[PacmanPants]

My widowed friend in her 40s lives in a ground floor flat, there is a single man in his 60s living above her and they used to get on ok. However he now tells her she is not allowed to have a boyfriend (beside the point but she doesn’t have a boyfriend). He bangs on her door accusing her of having a man in there. Or phones her up In the middle of the night saying that he can hear noises like she’s got a man in her flat.

I have advised her to have a chat with the police to see if there’s anything they can do. She doesn’t want to do this as it may rock the boat with the neighbour even more. The man has never worked, barely leaves the house and his adult children are estranged from him. I just worry that this sounds like coercive control but It’s very strange from someone who is just an acquaintance - I’m not sure if she is safe! He is bigger and stockier than her and she is afraid of his rages. Any advice?

She is afraid of him but she really does need now to contact the police and allow them to intervene here. This sort of harassment is a crime and this will likely get worse if not stopped now.

BTW who do the flats belong to?. I would also contact the housing association if such a body own these flats too.

Yes, they are housing association. Another strange thing is that the HA have refurbed all kitchens and bathrooms in all the other flats but this man will not let them in to refurb his. He is extremely aggressive about anyone intruding on his space but feels it’s ok to make demands of his neighbours.

If I were her I'd talk to the HA and ask to be moved. I wouldn't feel safe with him around.

She definitely needs to report this to the HA even if she cant bring herself to report it to the police. It sounds as if he has mental health issues.

Police- now.
This man could break in, attack her or anything.

She needs to phone the police now. He sounds like he has mental health issues and could actually really hurt her.

He is clearly a significant threat with form.

His children have disowned him. It must be bad.

I would do some research with HA for complaints from other residents and also the police as he may well have a criminal record. She needs to know what risk she is exposed to.

She should not take this lightly. He is fixated, it has a sexual element - he has crossed many boundaries to date - stalking and harassment which in themselves are criminal acts.

She needs to take this v seriously. Speak to police and get security advice. Then move.

Christ, police need to be involved, and so do the HA.

This behaviour is already escalating and I agree he's a physical threat to her.

This is harassment, and potentially also stalking. Don't let her minimise the seriousness of this.

Thanks, this is helpful as you are all saying the same thing as me. I will show her what you have said. It gives me a chill to think of her living there alone with him banging on the door.

She needs to keep a detailed diary, photos, recordings, everything !
She needs the police and house association involved today.
Knock this thing on the head. Now

I expect he is ill but that doesn’t make it your friend’s problem. I agree the police and HA need to be informed.

Definitely report to the HA. You can do this if she won’t. They will check on this with tenancy enforcement, it’s out of order.

It's certainly MH issues and he sounds at risk of being a danger to himself or others (especially your friend).
There needs to be intervention before it escalates further and the police are the first port of call for access to other services.
If your friend doesn't want to take that step for her sake do it for his.
It may be something as simple as he's stopped taking meds and doesn't realise how bizarre and frightening his behavior has become especially if he is isolated and has nobody to compare reality with.

Your poor friend. I agree she needs to report, but in reality I think she should do everything in her power to move house asap.

I agree that its probably best for her to be moved away from him in the longer term, and report him in the short term.
See stuff like this all the time on these real life crime shows, can she get cctv installed at her door?

I’d also be a bit worried about why he’s not letting the HA in. Could just be control and an excessive need for privacy, but there could be more sinister reasons as he’s clearly batshit

Bloody hell your poor friend.

Definitely needs to call the police.

He's physically banged on her door aggressively without cause, let alone adding his accusations (of stuff that wouldn't be his business even if it was true!) into the mix.

She needs to request that she has a clear plan of what to do if he continues this behaviour and also what she should do if anything escalates.

You sound like a lovely friend and it's great she has you to advocate for her too, you can ask to be there if the police will visit after she calls them. Bit of moral support.

Hope she's ok

She should change her phone number to one that neighbour does not know

Basically theres a psycho next door who thinks she is somehow his property. Police, asap. She should probably move tbh. Sounds like maybe an ex has left him for his controlling ways and he now thinks all women are her.