Me and dh are currently living separately, I am parenting our kids (3&5) while he stays with a friend.
Reasons For separation- I feel invisible. He doesn’t say hello to me, doesn’t say goodnight just goes to bed, doesn’t contact me when out (not just at work), walks separately to me when out, doesn’t enjoy family time, always grumpy, loses patience with the kids, has lots of time out for him but takes the mick with it- no contact, stays out really late then wakes me up- always the first one to arrive and last to leave (I guess to avoid coming home!).
Since the separation I’ve felt lighter. Me and the kids have been doing well. He says he misses us and wants to come home, He’s started being nicer to me but then said he finds our son annoying and the evenings are all about him and his sleep routines. he came back the other night and admitted he had wanted to see me, not the kids. I took some time out over the weekend- 2 hrs 45 mins- and he was already ringing me nagging to come home saying he was struggling with the children and I shouldn’t have been out ‘all afternoon’. when I got back he was desperate to get away again. He said he wants to move back to live with me, but doesn’t want to live with the kids right now, so I’ve suggested he stay longer with his friends and take time out.
I think he’s probably depressed and he is starting counselling later this month. But he’s been like this for several years now. He expects so much time out for himself- his hobby takes every Saturday from 11am until 10pm for six months of the year and he does things mid week too, this has upset me in the past but now he’s so moody if he’s home, id rather he went. But he doesn’t seem to want me to have ANY time out, even begrudges me going out to walk the dog, so it’s very one sided. He will send me nagging messages telling me to come home, or be nasty when I’m back so I’m on edge whenever I’m out. I always have to see his family but he will never see mine, hasn’t been supportive with my mums illness recently when I need to spend time with my parents or help my dad.
Also while being separated the last two weeks I know he has messaged an ex. He says there was nothing to it, but throughout our marriage he has done this a lot- he seems to push the boundaries as far as he can without physically cheating. There’s been messages with married women and social media things (eg liking photos of our sons nursery staff dressed for a night out) but nothing physical. he’s always deleted things to cover his tracks so I’ve never seen much to fully know what I’m forgiving, but I definitely don’t trust him because of this.
Should I support him because he’s depressed and keep the family together, or should I be selfish and want more for myself? I do love him, but it feels like it will always be a one sided marriage?