Just ended a 10 year relationship

[CatFaceCats]

Just that really. No-one else involved, no horrible behaviour. We both just sat and talked and were completely honest with each other. We are friends who have kids together.
I’m staying in the house, I’m a SAHM to 2 kids. He’s going to continue paying all bills etc and I’m going to start job hunting.
I feel numb, I feel sick and I can believe it’s happened. The fact that neither of us made a case for prolonging it spoke volumes.
I know we’ll sort the practical financial side out soon - he’s a good guy and I know he won’t see his kids without. So I’m not overly worried about that right now.
I don’t even know why I’ve made this post, guess I just need to say it. My mum is coming over later so I can talk to her, and we’re going to tell the kids (8&9) once he has somewhere else to go.
So that’s it really, I can’t stop tearing up, I feel sick and anxious and it’s just scary. I’m 39 this year.
Just good to get it all out.

Well done for being brave and taking the step. This happened to one of my best friends. She was 37 at the time. That was 14 years ago and they are both now in happy relationships and have a good balance with the kids.

It will be hard at first but you’ve made the right decision for your long term happiness.

We did this 18 months ago but we’d been together 21 years! people thought we were mad. Was very sad but we are both now with someone else who makes us so incredibly happy - no regrets. Well done on being brave

How do you make that decision? The thought of ending our 12 year marriage just makes me feel so lonely and sad. We’re just not connected or communicating anymore though and it’s become toxic. I feel like I’ve been abandoned and I am having to start out on my own again at an age when it’s incredibly difficult to do. Did you do any trying? Weekends away etc to try and see if there is any spark left?

I know we’ll sort the practical financial side out soon - he’s a good guy and I know he won’t see his kids without. So I’m not overly worried about that right now.

This usually changes more quickly than you think, the second he starts to struggle for money running two households or he meets someone else so I suggest you start job hunting today.

@datasgingercatspot.
I know, I’m not naive. I kinda meant right now as in the next few week. I already told him I wouldn’t expect him to support my life as a SAHM. We both have parents with money, he is a high earner. I know if the absolute worst happens I can move back to my parents for a while. That’s what I meant about not worrying. I’m just focusing on the immediate stuff, kids and emotions.

@boopboo - we did. But we just didn’t find our spark. I love him like a friend, I’m not attracted to him sexually and I’m pretty sure he would say the same about me. We both have parents who stayed together for the kids, and I think the kids would be better seeing 2 separate happy parents, than seeing a relationship between us which wasn’t happy. Not angry, or horrible. But just nothing really. I don’t know how old you are, but (and I hate to say this) you only live once. I don’t want to look back and think I could’ve been happier.

And I do feel sad, so desperately sad. But its more the thought of everything changing. Not sad that we’re going to be apart. Sad it’s over, but it’s a sadness I know will pass.

This usually changes more quickly than you think, the second he starts to struggle for money running two households or he meets someone else

100% this! My ex was a "good guy" who initially paid £800 a month towards his kids. He now earns more than he did then but pays less than 10% of that. Not kidding. £78 a month. Total. For 2 teenagers. He's encouraged to do all he can to avoid child maintenance by his horrible second wife.