I've recently come to the conclusion that my father is a narc and I want to stop contact. A brief history so that I don't drip feed:
He was a single father from the age of 7, this was always a source of huge sympathy for him but he was very much far from a model parent. I've had two episodes of violence from him in my life, he was verbally abusive throughout my childhood and I spent most of my childhood navigating around his drunken rants and the many women who he shipped into and out of the house on a whim. When I was 9 he woke me in the middle of the night to tell me that it was my fault that a woman didn't want to be with him. This is the sort of thing he did all the time. From a young age I was told that I wasn't good enough because I was a slovenly lazy slut" if I didn't clean the house to his standards. I remember this being screamed into my face from the age of 8 onwards. When I ran away at 14 I was a "terrible daughter and uncontrollable" when I bunked off school I was "a nightmare to manage a horrible teenager" that sort of thing. For context my absent mum left at 7 then died when I was 14. I had a very confusing time.
Fast forward 20-30 off years and I got married last year. Here's examples of his behaviour on the day
He arrived at the pub and started telling my husband he'd "break your legs if you're horrible to my daughter" not once, he said it 5 times. The irony is that when my ex husband cheated on me he didn't lift a finger to help so my husband had to bite his tongue not to say anything. This was in front of other guests as well.
He didn't contribute a penny to the wedding, there was no offer (and none first time round to help give context) he refuse the give a father of the bride speech but instead kicked off an argument with my aunt at 7:30, was rude to my stepdaughter when she went to say hello and he disappeared by 8:30pm. The following morning at breakfast I had my aunt in tears, he acted like nothing had happened but asked me how much the wedding cost me. I was fuming.
On the past few years my brother has gone no contact with him so whenever I call him I get 10 mins of "disbelief and shock" as to why my brother makes no effort to call" at the start of every phone conversation. Prior to the wedding I was saying to my DH that it was exhausting me to be have to discuss it every few weeks.
Since the wedding I suspect he's feeling a bit sheepish so fortunately he hasnt returned my latest call on his birthday at the start of the year. He is well known for 5-10 year sulks.
So. My question is do I tell him I'm going NC and why so that I can get it off my chest or do I enjoy the silence? I'm fixed in my head that I'm beyond the point of no return.