Hello,
I am so lost, I have no idea what to do. A part of me says I am overreacting but another part of me says this is really wrong.
This is really long so I apologise, I don't want to miss anything out at all.
2 weeks ago after a difficult weekend of arguments I asked my partner outright what he has been up to on his phone, he has been so secretive and suspicious with it since i saw him messaging his friend saying that his girlfriend is hot and then messaging the girlfriend. This was seen accidentally, with permission to use his messenger when my phone was dead.
I wasn't too happy about that and asked him if he had messaged anyone else, he said no. It came out a few days later that he had messaged a work colleague wishing she had been on a night out. I didn't think anything of it at that time as not a problem to be friends with work colleague I was more annoyed about the fact he lied about something so trivial.
So two weeks ago after he returned from a trip abroad we had further discussions about his phone use and why so secretive, he said no reasons, I asked him if he was messaging someone he shouldn't be and he said no. I was a bit fed up at this point and said how about we look at your chat back ups?
Cue some bullshit story that he couldn't show me his chat history because he had been slagging me off to a mate and I would be too upset if I saw them. I was not happy! I asked to see them straight away so that we could clear it up.
I was totally not expecting what came next. I felt sick as he explained that no he hasn't been slagging me off and that actually there are messages to a woman from work that he doesn't want me to see. He said that 18 months ago he started to have feelings for her and met up with her outside of work to tell her. She apparently turned him down and they did not start a relationship.
Our relationship has been really rocky since then and we had a short break up followed by some counselling. We were working on things however our wedding in October got cancelled (not my choice). Therapist knew what he was up to as he told her in a solo session, patient confidentiality rules says she couldn't tell me. I was encouraged though to work on my trust.
Throughout the last 2 years he has been going on nights out in a nearby city with his a school mates, I had no reason to be suspicious. I wasn't invited, I stayed home to look after baby. That was fine with me.
Turns out this woman was going with him to meet his mates and he sent her "drunk" messages, on one occasion regarding sex and the other asking her for a goodnight kiss. Apparently she said no to both these messages.
I feel so betrayed by him. He says the feelings are now gone and that he loves me. I just keep thinking what if she said yes, yes to a relationship, to sex or the kiss, would he have really gone through with it?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm sorry this is so long, it's been a long 18 months and I am questioning every second of it, the overtime at work, the phone usage etc etc.