Should I feel a little offended

[Flowerpower2020]

My partner of 3 years uncle has just passed away (my partner wasn’t very close to them), I have only met him once and the funeral is due to take place next week.

I was under the assumption I would be attending with my partner (supporting his family) as he even mentioned it to me as he said about me getting time off work however today he has said to me that his aunt has said immediate family only.

I get That I don’t really know his aunt or uncle however I am his partner and have been for 3 years and I get I’m not their immediate family but I am his partner...

I can’t help but feel a little offended by it...I would understand if I was his partner of 5 minutes but it’s 3 years!

I’m not looking for a bashing, I get it, it’s a funeral and it’s peoples wishes And I can totally respect that but when it comes to partners i thought they would have been included in that equation of family. If I was his wife I’m sure I would’ve been included.

Sorry probably more of a rant as when my partner told me I was a bit taken a back by it. My grandfather passed away 4 weeks ago and my partner attended even though it was family only to me and my family he is part of our family.

Your partner wanted you there (hence asking about time off work) but the widow doesn't, and it's her choice, for whatever reason. I can understand why you feel a little offended but it's really really not about you and you need to keep reminding yourself that.

Ignore pps dissing your relationship or suggesting your DP is lying.. just keep saying you yourself "it's not about me".

that’s what I’m a little confused at as I thought with funerals it’s whoever wants to come to pay their respects shouldn’t be turned away

Yes, it is, but that really doesn't mean the bereaved can't express their wishes as to who will be there, and expect to have those wishes respected.

If your husband wasn't that close to his uncle and you only met him once, it's not as if you can even claim to be mourning him, can you?

I'm just surprised that 'immediate family' includes a nephew. I would consider nieces and nephews as wider family.

Is your partner sure he is actually invited? I would consider immediate family to be the uncle's parents (if alive), his children and his siblings. No spouses of these relatives.

Ah but did the partner actually want the OP there and was told she wasn’t welcome? Or could it be that the partner assumed she would go and wanted her to go with him until the aunt said immediate family only, in which case he may have assumed that just meant blood family and spouses.

Unless he actually asked whether the OP could go and was told no. Think that it’s wrong to assume that the OP hasn’t been invited unless the aunt has specifically excluded her by name.

I don’t think the partner is lying.

I do think that it’s likely he doesn’t see the OP as immediate family and so hasn’t put the OP in that context when “immediate family only” was mentioned.

I agree with pp who's say this is more about how you feel about your relationship status, than a woman who has lost her husband.

This is physical proof the relationship isnt where you want it to be.

But that's something seperate. This isnt about your relationship. It's about someone dying.

I don’t get the need to be offended. It’s thoughtless, yes. But why are you bothered by the thoughtlessness of a stranger. It doesn’t even impact on you. You get to save a days leave. Bonus if anything.

There are things we can rightly get offended about. But let’s reserve the feeling of offence to situations where it matters. That’s when people are excluded because their race or gender doesn’t fit. For example.