Can't take it no more

[Orangelocket]

I've posted twice before about 'DH' drinking and then messaging another woman. So things have been pretty horrific after an okish 16 year marriage. I have tried for so long to make this work- marriage counselling, individual counselling, he has been given antidepressants by the GP and told to seek alcohol addiction services but never did. There has been so much go on lately, too much to explain but tonight has been the final straw. He has sat next to me, after telling me all day how much he loves me, what's us to work, he'd be lost without me blah blah, and caused an argument over something so trivial, and set up a dating app. I tried to take his phone to look as he was doing it on purpose to get a reaction. So he then said such hurtful things about my apperance, my weight, how he is going to shag lots of skinny pretty girls etc. He's burped in my face and thrown my phone and smashed the screen. He is an abusive, twisted, alcoholic bully and I need some advice on how to be brave and strong and not fall for his sobs in the morning. I'm calling tax credits to get the ball rolling with probably moving over to UC. My home is rented and I will be staying plus I work so all is good there. I practically single parent my kids too. It's more the pain. I am so weak and feel like I feel emotional pain so intensely. I never wanted this to happen and am dreading what's to come. How can I make this as smooth as possible for us all without having a breakdown. I have been with him since I was 17 so don't know what life is like solo. I'm a shell of who I used to be because of him.

Disgusting behaviour. Who the hell starts setting up a dating profile in full view of their spouse?! So disrespectful.

No one would blame you for calling it a day. It sounds like you’ve given this marriage your best shot. I don’t think there’s any easy way to walk away from a long term relationship. But it can be done. Lean on the people who care about you for support and seek out a counsellor who can help you rebuild your life.

Bless you Orange 💐

Nothing will be as horrific as this. This is the very worst bit. And it's BLOODY hard 🌺

Contact your local Women's Aid. They will help and support you through the process.

Do the Freedom Programme. I've linked you here to find a course near you - it's better to go in person, you meet other women in the same position, which helps so much, and the support from the facilitators is brilliant. You need all the support you can get, and you get wonderful support on the Freedom Programme.

Have you told your GP? You need to get documented with your GP what's been going on and your plans for the future.

You can do this, one foot in front of the other. It's hard but you can do it. His alcoholism is an excuse, he is just a plain abuser. He has worn you down to a crisp and the only way is up now - without him.

You've done so well with this lead weight on your ankles sucking the life out of you. You know he's going to try and suck you back in tomorrow - all part of the abuser's script. You know the truth, what he's capable of, that he will never change. On and on for ever and ever, they never change.

I'm so sorry you've been through so much. If you struggle to do this, to leave him, for you then think of the kids and do it for them. It's the best thing you can do for them.

Once you leave him you will fly 💐🌺

You are doing it already. Practically single parenting you said. So what's going to be harder? Absolutely nothing! Imagine not walking on eggshells, not worrying how you look or act in your own home. What gives him the right to speak to you in that way?

Could anything be worse than what you have now ?

I cannot visualise it

You are only in your 30s, OP, still young. Get out there and live. Good luck and stay strong.

The loneliness is what with hurt you at times but it passes and you can focus on distracting yourself plus the pattern of having him around even if he is useless.

I listen to music and dance when I start to feel lonely, or clean something.
My ex was an arse but when the shelf fell the other day and I could hold it and take the stuff off I felt alone. I sorted it and then I realised I can do it.
Money and not having much can be hard but you can work in that.

You are young and your dc with grow and when they do your in time get more freedom.

That's everyone. Your replies have helped me so much tonight. I'm sat in bed while he sleeps (passed out drunk!) on the sofa. I've checked his phone as he left it unlocked and open like a twat. Turns out he has POF and Tinder.
I know I'll be ok in time and that it's going to be agony. I feel so cheated and am heartbroken for our DC. How could he do this to us all. Prior to around a year ago we had the best relationship.
Anyfucker- you are so right. It doesn't get much worse than this 💐

So what are you going to do, love ?

Dump and move on it will only get worse better to be alone then with that

I know, ahsan. I can't face work today as I've had barely any sleep and am a mess emotionally. But now I'm stressing out about letting my employer down too. I feel like I need a week off to get my head and life together. I am asking him to leave today and I want him gone today. He always throws it in my face that he'll book a hotel, well now he actually can!

We've spoken this morning and It's over for good as other stuff has transpired today too. I've just made my claim for UC and am getting practical stuff done today while I'm feeling angry. I know I'll crash and burn later on tonight tho once the kids go to bed. I need to stay so strong. There can't be any going back.

I’m so sorry but you will be better off without this useless sack of shit in your life. He’s treated you appallingly, please stay strong and no matter how much he pleads and begs DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!

It's for the best, truly