How can I help someone who is going through a divorce?

[PinkRobots]

Someone close to me is getting divorced after 20 years of marriage. They have two children, 13 and 9.

I have never been married, so I don't really know what to say or how to help this person. The split doesn't seem to be messy as they are still speaking to each other and putting the children first, etc. I don't know the reason for the split, and I haven't asked.

It's early days (they are still living together), but I want to ensure that I can help my friend in a practical way.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to best support my friend and the kids?

How lovely you are...

Just be there for her.
Listen.
Keep inviting her out.
Be patient if they get back together then split up.

You sound like a lovely friend

Absolutely be there and invite her and her and his kids out to events. Make her feel as if you're thinking about her. Divorce can be a VERY lonely place to be, so for her just knowing she's on your mind will help her, I'm sure.

I wish I had a friend like you.

Just listen to her. Listen no matter how many times she may repeat herself. It takes time to 'chew through' the issues surrounding divorce and often people have to go over and over things before they can settle them in their heads and move forward.

Be careful how you criticize the STBX. Sympathize and agree with her when she does. But don't start in on him yourself. Sometimes when someone starts in criticizing on their own it may feel as if you're criticizing her for not seeing what a wanker he was. Or conversely, they'll feel resentment that you thought he was such a shit, but never told them. Not logical of course, but going through a divorce is tough and people often become over-sensitive. And yes, of course there's always the chance that they reconcile and then all she'll remember is that you think her husband is a shit.

Be full of encouragement. Even the most 'amicable' of divorces have many hills to climb and it can be exhausting. A few 'atta-girls' and 'well dones' can really help restore someone's spirit.

And yes, include her and her children in outings. And ask her to do things when her ex has the children. She's going to feel at loose ends at first.

Thank you.

I'm not worried about her slagging off her husband, or vice versa. They are both sensible intelligent people. I know that whatever happens, they do respect each other. I doubt the situation will get messy either as they are both reasonable people.

Yes, I have already organized for me and her to go for a few drinks (child free) on Saturday. I'm also going to suggest that we do a nice city break when the divorce comes through.