Friendships after kids

[soph7777]

It’s just....not the same anymore.

Every meet up pretty much, the kids are there like it's now become a standard thing and it makes interactions distracting and conversations very kid related.

It's all just to much for me. Anyone else feel the same?

I feel like I'm being unreasonable by feeling like this but I just can't seem to shake it.

Yes it happens so try and do a few get togethers without the kids. But kids as a subject will inevitably dominate the conversation. It does pass, new parents are obsessed, not so much when kids are older!

I know but it's really no fun when you haven't got kids!

And you don't want to be a mean person by saying anything or separating yourself but it also feels unjust to have to just go along.

I found this difficult when I was in my 30s: my friends were gradually having kids, I wasn’t and all the dynamics were changing. There’s not a lot you can do about it though except compromise, accept that some social interactions will change, try to get to know and enjoy the kids. Your friends are still your friends, just with different (unavoidable) priorities. And their kids won’t be young and talking over you forever!

It's sad and it's not the same for men. It's almost as thought society puts this thing on you when you're a woman even though you're not that interested in kids and don't have them you should be - and if you're not you're mean.

I know for a fact my partners friends go out and they never, even talk about the kids - adult time is adult time.

The lines seem to be very blurred with women and if you don't participate in it then you're considered mean.

Friendships do change after kids OP, and through this you'll work out who the 'keepers' are. I haven't got children but literally all of my other friends have. I'm now in my 40's. When friends have babies the first couple of years babies are their actual life. Be a good friend, sit and listen, understand that for daytime meet-ups the kids are likely to be there,but if it's all one way then is it really a friendship that is real?
Now my friends kids are all at school age it's much better, can do lunch time meet-ups and also they are often desperate for a night out away from the kids!
It's swings and roundabouts.

@FedUpOfAdulting I try I really do. I perhaps need to work on being a more accommodating person.

It's just...hard.

The last 3 years since I had children have been the loneliest of my life.
Lots of childless friends assuming I'm not free or just choosing times/dates when I obviously won't be free.

It's been really eye opening...

@EmmaJR1 I feel for you. Do you have any childcare to make you available when they meet up?

Because I'm on the other side of the fence and now my friends ask me to meet midweek and I'm like - I'm at work !

It's tricky isn't it.

It's very tricky! I certainly feel like it's sorted out the fair weather friends.
Part of my issue is that I had children 10-12 years later than my friends so we are just at different points in life.

Personally I love spending time with friends who don't have children! It's a chance to be me for once.