hello, I am really struggling and would so appreciate some perspective. Been with DP for 3 years, both have teenage children who all get on really well. Relationship was quite stormy - lots of 'breakups' where he would withdraw for a few days and say he needed space. I would be really panicky and sad and would end up begging him for forgiveness (even if I didn't think it was really my fault). So got into a really bad cycle of all issues being blamed on me. We did some counselling and agreed on things totally when calm, but so difficult to implement in the heat of the moment. (No infidelity either side, just every few days - tension, sulks, issues). I ended up feeling that his moods and sulks were swinging me one way, then the other and I got fed up of it. So I broke up with him just after Christmas.
On and off contact after that, mostly by text - all very tense and upsetting. Then we met face to face last week and he had written a letter which he read out to me ... he realised he had made such a big mistake, he finally acknowledged that so much of the issues were his fault, he begged for another chance, he is doing so much work on himself with therapy etc, promised to change.
I said no, although it broke my heart - for one thing, I wouldn't swing our children's feelings through this again - some of them have taken the breakup hard. And we have had no contact since then. I texted a few days later and asked if we could meet, but he (kindly) said he couldn't, and he wanted me to let him be.
I just can't seem to move on. I am so tempted to go round to his and suggest a process of starting seeing each other again. But then at times, I know it is the right thing, as things were so unstable. I think about him ALL THE TIME, and just keep wondering if I've done the right thing. I just miss him so much.
What on earth to do? Can he really change so much?