What do I do :(

[candycanesxo]

I'm in a 7 year relationship my boyfriend no kids or marriage as just not happend I quess not sure wanting children (
I'm 26) he is 27. We have had ups and downs past 6 months general lack of dating/spending time together. We don't seem have much in common diffrent tastes in film, music and sex drives but I am okay with this. He is loyal and kind makes me laugh and still look forward being with him. He is trying hard make it work and I love that he is very loyal to me

My dilemma is a man at work... He is 30 and I know he fancies me but has recently just got into a relationship of his own, his co workers have told me and I feel myself drawn to him when I see him like an electric current can't explain but it's got me hooked we bounce off each other and is a real chemistry I never had or felt before ..... I wouldn't cheat but I'm always thinking about him during work and look forward seeing him it's making me question my current relationship. Me this guy at work seem have bit more in common and find him very attractive ..

I keep questioning my situation all the time, how know what a normal healthy happy relationship is if its all i have ever been in??
Xx

It makes me sad and upset to think of ending my relationship so then why am I soo hoodwinked by this other man at work!

Right at the start of your opening post you wrote We have had ups and downs past 6 months

What did you mean?

@candycanesxo It sounds like the issue is your relationship is leading anywhere. I was in a similar relationship, he was my best friend, a lovely kind guy. But I felt that he wasn't bothered about getting married or having kids. The sex had dwindled as well, we hadn't has sex in 6 months.

My now husband proposed after a year and a half together, we bought a house a year later and got married then had a kid. It just felt like he wanted a future with me, the same future. Does yours talk about the future? Do you both want marriage and kids?

How is your sex life? Do you still enjoy sex together?

This guy at work is a distraction from feeling bored in your life probably. Do you have hobbies? Go out and have fun together?

*isn't leading anywhere

You have a crush, simple as that, it is all in your head, this man is with someone else.

The fact you can fall in love with another person doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love your boyfriend.

We have had ups and downs past 6 months general lack of dating/spending time together. We don't seem have much in common diffrent tastes in film, music and sex drives but I am okay with this. He is loyal and kind makes me laugh and still look forward being with him. He is trying hard make it work and I love that he is very loyal to me

Loyalty is the only attribute in this RS.

That on its own is not a core attraction and not enough to sustain a romantic RS.

You could get that from a Labrador, your Nan, a work colleague.

I would expect much more from a common or garden friendship - fun for starters, shared interests, emotional support.

You have none of these things - so in reality you don’t have even a functioning RS.

What are your life plans, vision, ambitions and passions? What music, films etc do you love - are these things missing from your life and does your BF not share them?

Sounds like the RS is over and you’re detaching and mourning the loss (which doesn’t mean you want to stay in it).

What are the things you talk about with work guy that is thrilling?

I quess your right, and I we just have this connection and I know he likes me too, we have similar interests in cooking and same views on sex/ and films. Boyfriend is always been quite lazy and has a different sleeping schedule to me he sleeps in slot and I am more a morning person.

Im not sure I even want any children so this also making me question it all, I should at least be with someone has more I ncommon with me and wants more sex? It is always me initiating it and he never takes charge or says we will have sex on his day of he's tired he only 27. I just don't want to regret leaving someone I love still and trust :( I am comfortable and can be myself around him and jsut feels like I am in limbo between staying or going and I don't know what the answer is :( hurts me to think I'll never see him again but then we only have one life but don't want to make a huge mistake either when there's nothing seriously wrong either?? 😓

We do still go out and have fun, and yes the sex is also another element thats gone downhill he seems think it's normal in relationship to have less sex but why should I always be initiating it when we do do it about twice a month ( I would like more)

I do have hobbies and see friends, we both work alternative shifts so this has an impact aswell. I still look forward spending time with him and he is learning to drive. I'm not sure I want children and he's not too fussed either way.

I don't know I jsut ever since this other man at work came into my life it's made me question if we are that compatible. And I look forward seeing man at work and just makes me worry I am settling in my relationship now? But i still have feelings him and want it to work it's all just so confusing sorry I'm rambling just need somewhere to write feelings Xx

@candycanesxo it's a difficult one. I found it very hard to let go of my ex as I did still like him so much as a friend and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life. The thought of not seeing him again made my heart ache. But I also didn't want to have sex with him anymore, he felt more like a brother than a boyfriend.

It does sound like your relationship could have run its course. You sound quite bored of it. It doesn't sound like he's suddenly going to change and have more energy and be up for more sex. You could try talking to him about it all? That you're finding things difficult? I do think it's unusual for a man to want sex only twice a month. Possibly he has some underlying health issues if he's tired a lot?

I understand how you feel. It's difficult as you obviously care about your boyfriend. I hope you manage to find your way x

I am bored just reading your description of your life. I am middle-aged, been married for 20+ years, got 3 kids, me and him both have demanding jobs and my marriage is considerably more exciting than that.

You will miss him in the same way you miss your favourite jeans when they get too worn out and you have to bin them.

He is lazy. He is not into you sexually. Your main compatibles are in cooking and movie choices.

No wonder the new fella seems attractive and thrilling. You are bored out of your skull.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend is not particularly into you. He is not going out of his way to get time with you, quite the opposite it seems.

Lazy, you say. Perhaps he is mainly keeping you as the convenient house elf.

It is quite unusual for a 27yo man to not want sex. I would assume he is getting it somewhere else. Maybe in his opposite shift patterns, maybe late night weird porn habit.

He might be reluctant to cheat on OW by having sex with you iyswim. Not a copper or fireman is he? Both notorious for infidelity.

i think you need to separate the 2 relationships.
the one with your boyfriend maybe running its course.
the other one is a crush, happens at work places, quite dangerous as you may lose your job at the end. also, he is in a relationship.
i think you need space from both of them.

Maybe a break from each other might help you see how you feel a little more clearly. Its easy to get so wrapped up in routine that you can't see the woods for the trees.
I wouldn't be too keen to involve man at work in any decisions as if he has a partner and is flirting with you, would he do the same with someone else if you were together.
I think the guy you are with sounds a bit like a "comfy slippers" option in life. Just remember we all want exciting "jimmy choos" but they might be agony day-in, day-out!

Sorry, but how has he hoodwinked you?

Well sex tends not to get better in long term relationships. If he’s not wanting to fuck you now that won’t change. Are you OK with that forever? If so then stay where you are.

Plain as day you’re going to have an affair.