Friends violent ex is still controlling her via the children.

[friendineed]

My lovely friend divorced her ex because of his violent and abusive/controlling behaviour.
They have 2 DDs 8 and 11.
DF met a lovely guy and married him, they have a toddler DS.
My friend is outgoing, lovely, sociable, and so is her new DH.

ExH has remarried and has a baby.

The exH is still controlling my DF via the DDs. He has said her DH is being sexually inappropriate and abusive to the older girl and informed SS. They are currently investigating. DH must now only see the girls if there is a witness. The girls deny any abuse but no one seems to listen to them. It's the exH who is filling their heads with this as a way of controlling them. They say they want to live with him because he lets them skip school/homework and basically do what they want. DF of course makes them go to school and behaves like a responsible adult. ExH regularly screams abuse down the phone at DF and at her DH, as well as vile texts. She records and screenshots them but police and SS are not interested.

DF talks to me about all this and goes from a strong independent woman to a scared shell of herself. He is controlling her again. She almost want the girls to go to live with him, but knows he will screw up their lives. SS, police, WA...no one is interested in helping her. She has a solicitor. Like all Narcs he is plausible, charming and manipulative and so bloody convincing. His new wife backs him up, I think because if he is taking this out on DF the heat is off her.

Is there any way forward with this situation?

Any help?

This is such a difficult situation OP and very difficult to advise third hand.

I'm wondering why SS and the police aren't interested in evidence of coercive control which is a criminal offence. I'm also wondering what her solicitor is doing and whether they have experience in domestic abuse or training. I'm also wondering if there is evidence of past abuse ie what came up in the family court (if it went there) and whether there are police reports and other evidence of abuse.

It sounds as though the step dad has been given supervised access only which is usually temporary. You also say that SS are investigating which they have to do. That is also temporary.

The courts aren't going to just let the girls go and live with their dad because they want to go. They take everything into consideration and if there is evidence of physical abuse and coercive control they will hopefully take that into account.

The malicious reporting to ss is common and counts towards his harassment campaign.

I think the best thing to do, is for your friend to contact Rights of Women in the first instance and get legal advice on how to move forward. I'm not sure what her solicitor is doing or what advice she's been given but it doesn't sound as though she has DV training.

I would get a list of solicitors that RoW recommend and for your friend to contact them and have a chat about what's going on and see if she should instruct someone else.

She needs to continue to take evidence of the harassment and abuse. She does have legal options which RoW will give her. I would also advise her to contact her local DV organisation which she can find here. She needs RL advice and support and they can hopefully provide that for her. She can also contact Victim Support as well.

@12345kbm Thank you so much for the advice and reassurance. I will let my DF know there are options and contacts

It's no problem. If you have further questions I'll endeavour to answer but she is so much better of getting RL support because I don't have all the details and can therefore only give very general advice.