Hi
I would like perspective on the following. I am happily married with two kids. together 15 years and married for 2. When we started going out, my wife made contact again with an ex. A very significant ex to her who she was in love with before me. I dont know how that relationship ended but I understand that he cheated on her so when they made contact again - it was a very big deal. At the time, I was young and did not feel great about this. I said nothing though because I did not want to be a jealous person and told myself i was insecure.
My wife has always praised me for not being possessive. Over the years she would mention stuff about him the odd time (like once a year) and only ever seemed to indicate that they exchanged the odd email as old friends.
recently i came across an email. i was not snooping. this was from after when we were engaged - living together for many years although its old now.
it seems my wife basically had been in fairly regular contact with this guy. calls when i was not home and alot of emails (many of which she has kept).
In the email thread i did see - they were calling each other pet names like 'honey'. she had sent him a photo of her with friends on a night out when she was looking good. he was replying telling her how beautiful she was - probably the most beautiful in the room.
there was also a reference in another mail alluding to dreams he had about her - remembering having sex with her. half joking and not being explicit - but still - alluding to it.
when i read that email thread - i got angry and was going to read all the emails. i came to my senses though after looking at 3 in a fit of anger and stopped. there was a suggestion of meeting if they were ever in cities near each other but i know she never met him.
i understand that if she was in love with this guy he must have meant a lot to her at one stage and she wants to keep some sort of a relationship with him but she was always the one that said there should be no secrets from each other. i am wondering now how much contact they have had?
i really dont think emails like this are appropriate with an ex. they are not 'friend' emails. i feel most people would feel if i was emailing some other woman like this - people would think it was wrong.
am i making a big deal of nothing? when exes are friends - do they all actually talk like this and remember 'fun' times?
this has been in my head for 6 months. i cant get rid of it and i am too embarassed to talk to anyone i know about it. my wife is having a tough time of it lately - so i dont feel its a good time to bring it up. i dont know if they are even still in contact so should i let sleeping dogs lie? this is causing me heartache though and has affected my self esteem.
again - i was not snooping when i saw these emails and i stopped looking at them after 3. i know reading someones emails would be wrong and i stopped myself.