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Original poster

Partner against tummy took

20 replies

Ontheverge96 · 28/02/2020 22:04

With DD2 I had an emergency section and it’s absolutely destroyed my stomach. I hate the way it looks now it’s soo saggy and deflated, I’m currently dieting and the more weight I lose the worse it looks. I’ve looked into having a tummy tuck but my partners really against it, has anyone else has this reaction? Did you go ahead anyway? Did he change his mind?

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2020 22:06

Why’s he against it?

BacklashStarts · 28/02/2020 22:06

Why against? I’ve considered it but not gone through due to risks of general anaesthetic for something none essential.

puds11 · 28/02/2020 22:10

@Backlash I’d imagine he’s against it for the exact reasons you state And it’s bloody expensive!

@Ontheverge96 are you sure it looks as bad as you think? We tend to over criticise ourselves and something we really don’t like is something someone else wouldn’t even notice.

I do understand though as I have recently had a c section for second baby and am waiting with baited breath to see the final carnage after I loose the weight.

PoolsOfSunshineThroughTheGlass · 28/02/2020 22:11

Is he against it because it's a fairly high risk and serious operation?

Is he against it because you'll have to put it on a credit card or take out s loan or use all your savings?

Its a really big operation, the name is deceptive.

I've had three sections and can't imagine risking my life or my health just to get rid of the overhang, and leaving my children or being unable to do much with them.

I think being against it is very understandable - I wouldn't want DH to risk his life or health for a cosmetic operation either.

However it does depend why I guess.

Grembolina · 28/02/2020 22:19

I think the recovery is really intense involving compression vests and no lifting for a long time. Pretty hard going with a baby.

Is that why he is against it?

madcatladyforever · 28/02/2020 22:24

I've had two pregnancy related operations and don't regret either of them. Best thing I ever did and huge surge in confidence.
My first husband turned very nasty afterwards though because he was super jealous I'd get too much attention which was nonsense but we eventually split over it.

Original poster

Ontheverge96 · 28/02/2020 22:31

Like most of you are saying it is major surgery and that is the main reason he’s so against, second reason is cost. I know it’s expensive and not medically necessary but I just don’t feel comfortable in my skin anymore, it’s even visible through some of my clothes.

OP posts:

puds11 · 28/02/2020 22:34

@madcatladyforever what did you have

@Ontheverge I think you can get a mini tuck if you think it would qualify for that. The do it along your c section scar and is about the same length from what I’ve read. Still expensive and risky though.

Grembolina · 28/02/2020 22:52

How old is your DD (not sure if she is 2 or you're 2nd daughter?) could you agree to try really hard with diet and exercise until she is school age and then have the OP if you are still not happy?

Spanxs in the meantime should help hold everything firmly in place and smooth out wobbly bits.

StillCounting123 · 28/02/2020 22:53

OP, I had a c-section last year with twins and my belly is a mess. Same as you said, the more weight lost the worse it looks. Saggy, wrinkles - just doesn't seem like part of my body anymore.

I do not want a tummy tuck as they sound horrible, but I want some sort of magic wand to return it to how it was 2 years ago

I can understand why your DP is against it, but I also understand your upset and stress with your body. You are not alone!!

Itsjustmee · 28/02/2020 23:03

I had a mini tummy tuck but I didn’t have lots of loose skin my scar is slightly longer than my c- section scar
I couldn’t do anything but rest for about 10 days the first 4 days were the worse but after two weeks I was pretty much up and about as normal

RantyAnty · 29/02/2020 03:54

A TT is less invasive than a section. Some people say it is far easier plus you don't have a newborn to care for. Others say it is about the same but the recovery is longer.

If you want one, see about getting one. I would like to have one to repair the muscles.

Shoxfordian · 29/02/2020 06:13

It's your body so it's totally your choice if it would make you feel better. Do you have the money for it yourself or would he be paying towards it?

PoolsOfSunshineThroughTheGlass · 29/02/2020 06:44

Shoxfordian things like this do have an impact on the whole family. Whilst individuals absolutely have the final say over their bodies, no choice is made in a vacuum and there are knock on consequences for everyone living in a family with very young children. It's her choice but she'll need support during the recovery and he'll need to take time off work, possibly soon after going back from paternity leave. He'll also have to do all the childcare, though obviously that should be a give and take anyway.

The cost would be a serious hit to most family's finances combined with the drop in income from taking maternity leave.

Any complications which damage her health will impact the family.

Obviously the change to her body is caused pregnancy and an unbalanced burden on mothers which the fathers of those babies should acknowledge, and it is her choice, but it's not a choice which only impacts her.

DingleberryRose · 29/02/2020 08:08

I’ve looked into having a tummy tuck but my partners really against it, has anyone else has this reaction? Did you go ahead anyway? Did he change his mind?

As an adult, I don’t ask permission in my marriage especially if the thing I want to do will massively benefit me. Can you save up for it yourself?

forkfun · 29/02/2020 08:16

Your body is perfect just as it is.

Ohyesiam · 29/02/2020 09:01

As an adult, I don’t ask permission in my marriage especially if the thing I want to do will massively benefit me.

Lying in bed for 10 days needing to be cooked for, unable to partake in family life, with your partner taking more than a week off work needs negotiation and team work more than permission.

DingleberryRose · 29/02/2020 09:48

@Ohyesiam Lying in bed for 10 days needing to be cooked for, unable to partake in family life, with your partner taking more than a week off work needs negotiation and team work more than permission

My husband would understand if it was something really important to me. I’d have thought that would be the default response.

Meadow1203 · 29/02/2020 10:44

OP I had TT after the birth of my second child. I am now very glad I did as like you the more weight I lost the worse my tummy looked. I have to warn you that is was extremely painful so you would need a bit of support afterwards.. I think your partner is being very selfish.

Heartburn888 · 29/02/2020 10:51

It’s your body so if it will make you feel better than do it. My boobs are deflated and saggy after my baby I want a boob job but my partner was umming and arring about it until I reminded him it’s my body

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