My husband has seemed depressed on and off for the last 2 years. Lately, it's more consistent.
He says there is nothing wrong but he is joyless, exhausted, snappy miserable and persistently ill and run down. He has told me that he is fed up with his job and tells me he's tired a lot.
But, he is avoiding going to bed at a reasonable time in the evening, opting to watch film after film after film until the early hours. He prefers to do that rather than connect with me in any way. Then he wakes up tired and miserable. We also have young DCs who sometimes wake during the night.
I have fortnightly counselling and have done so since having PND as a way of keeping problems at bay, but he refuses to have some himself and scoffs at the idea. I have lots of self-help books but he won't read them, I've offered to try meditation and yoga with him but he rolls his eyes at me.
I am feeling lonely and unsupported. Yesterday I told him about a situation at work where I'd felt vulnerable after working with a potentially dangerous client. He didn't seem at all bothered and didn't seem to want to listen to me.
He is very insular and appears to just want to be around his parents. He is not confiding in them at all, I'm confident about that, but seems to be visiting them a lot in the evenings and calling them to spend time with him and the children when I am working and he isn't. He seems completely at a loss when he isn't around his parents, although they have always had an oddly close relationship, his parents treating him as a child and doing a lot for him.
I made him an appointment with the doctor as he kept getting ill and although he went, used it to discuss something else and more trivial.
I have taken away a lot of the household responsibilities so he doesn't have to worry about them and reduced my working hours to part-time so that I can cope. He is resentful now that I am earning less money, but he is not able to function enough at home to do more of his share.
He is socialising from time to time, but often drinks too much and spends days after feeling even worse. I've tried reasoning with him but he tells me he deserves a blow-out. He is over-eating, gaining weight and doesn't seem to care about his appearance or the state of the house.
There is no helping him, he is pushing me away and I am getting no support from him. I've spoken to his parents just because he is so close to them and they don't talk about feelings and just say they think he has a lot on at work. That's it. I've told them I am not coping with DH and they have said "how do you think DH feels juggling FT work and kids etc..."
I habe begun getting angry with him and saying hurtful things about the way he is living and behaving which I need to stop, but I feel so frustrated, I can't help it.
What do I do?
He needs to take care of himself to be able to take care of the children, our lives, our family. I'm at a loss?